Friday, November 26, 2021

Warden Denies MTG Conjugal Visit With January 6th Attackers, Citing Illegality of Horse Fucking

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Freshman Congressmare Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) is no stranger to being denied access to the people currently being held in federal prison, awaiting trial for their roles in the January 6th attempted coup on behalf of former President Don Trump. Greene, herself one of Trump’s most loyal defenders, has taken to publicly advocating for the rioters, painting them as political captives, rather than American citizens who chose to attack the seat of democracy and overthrow the government.

Just last week, Greene and Rep. Louie Gohmert (Q-TX) were denied access to rioters being held in a federal prison just down the road from where they attacked the certification of Joe Biden as president. This morning, Greene told Steve Bannon during a taping of his podcast that she was also denied a meeting with several of the accused insurrectionists, just this weekend. According to Greene, she had volunteered to have conjugal visits with a handful of the men awaiting trial for their part in the January 6th attack, but the warden of the prison where they are being housed denied her request.

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“If you can believe it, that son of a bitch warden told me I can’t have a conjugal visit with those brave patriots in there,” Greene told reporters as she arrived at her congressional office, ready to pretend to work, this morning.

“The audacity of that man to tell a sitting congresspony she can’t visit with prisoners in a federal prison! This would not happen if the Great King God Emperor Trump were in charge. And when me, Mike Lindell, and the Sasquatch get him put back on his throne, you better believe he’s going to fix it!”

Greene said she was particularly outraged at the warden’s reasoning for denying her request.

“That smug asshole told me he couldn’t approve my request, and I asked him if it was on account of me not being married to any of the men I was going to give the best hayride of their lives to, and he said that wasn’t it at all,” Greene explained.

“He said that in the Commonwealth of Virginia, it’s still illegal to fuck your horse, unless you happen to be Robert E. Lee, or one of Lee’s descendants! I told that arrogant piece of shit he better enjoy the power he has while it lasts, because the very first thing King Trump will decree is that horse fucking will be legal again. In a free country, nobody has the right to tell a man he can’t fuck a horse, much less a domestic terrorist filly!”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

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