Monday, January 18, 2021

Biden Posts Eviction Notices on White House Doors

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Last week, it was reported by Satirical Facts that the Biden transition team officially served President Donald J. Trump with eviction papers. The filings legally set a one month framework after which Trump will have to “fully and completely vacate” the White House.

According to the eviction notice, Trump will also lose his security deposit on the White House if he “doesn’t ensure all fart and Big Mac odors are fumigated” fully. Biden’s transition team served the eviction notice to Trump, citing the fact that all fifty states have certified last month’s election results, the Supreme Court denied a Texas motion to invalidate four states’ votes, and the Electoral College has officially voted for Biden to take over in January as their legal basis for evicting the current occupant. The Biden team noted that while this is the “first time any such measure has even been remotely necessary,” they believe their eviction notice is quite constitutionally sound and would be held up by any D.C. area civil claims court hearing Trump’s appeal of his eviction. (SatFacts)

RELATED: Gaetz: “Real Patriots Don’t Ever Abandon Their Deeply Unpopular, One-Term, Impeached Loser Cry Baby President”

The eviction notices were posted on the White House doors “mostly as a precaution,” Biden’s lawyers indicated. However, they do believe that it could become necessary to have U.S. marshals enforce the eviction papers at 12:01 PM on January 21st, 2021. That’s when Trump’s term will officially end and Biden’s will begin.

“While we are certain this will not end up in any court room to be adjudicated,” the Biden transition team said in a press release accompanying the eviction papers, “it was important for us to ensure all our ducks were lined up. Technically, since the election was held, the votes were counted and certified, and the Electoral College cast its votes, there is literally nothing the Republicans can do besides waste people’s time on January 6th. However, we wanted to be prepared for the eventuality of the outgoing president refusing to leave, and so we served him with these papers today.” (SatFacts)

One thing is for certain. Biden’s legal team isn’t concerned at all about prevailing in court. So far, the president has lost more than four dozen legal challenges to election results across the country, and Biden’s lawyers do not see that trend reversing itself any time soon.

“We look at the Trump team’s current record throughout our judicial system and it only bolsters our confidence in prevailing in this matter as well,” the Biden statement reads, “The facts are that Donald Trump lost, which means he can whine and cry as much as he’d like, but one way or the other he will not be living in the White House after January 20th, 2021 at 12:01 PM Eastern Time. That much is known.” (SatFacts)

Donald Trump is the first and only president to run two campaigns and not win the popular vote either time.

MORE: Secret Service Will Create a Trail of French Fries Leading Trump Out of White House on January 20th

Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.Like what you read? Consider becoming a paid Facebook subscriber, or signing up for my Patreon.

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