Thursday, September 16, 2021
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vaccines

New Policy Lets DeSantis Punch Kids in the Mouth for Wearing a Mask

TALLAHASSEE, FLORIDUH -- A new policy instituted by Gov. Ron DeSantis (Q-FL) allows him to punch "any and all students" he encounters who are...

Tucker Carlson Wants to Get One More COVID-19 Vaccine Before He Endorses Them

Fox News host and sentient toilet film Tucker Carlson told his audience last night that he's still "not quite ready" to encourage them to...

Pro-Life Tennessee Republicans Fighting to Help More Kids Die of Preventable Diseases

NASHVILLE, TENNESSEE -- This week, news outlets reported that Tennessee Republicans did something that some might find rather odd during a global pandemic --...

Tucker Carlson Not Sure If He Likes Vaccine Requirements Now That He’s Compared Them To Jim Crow

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- Now that he's had a few hours to sit with it, Fox News host and winner of the 2021...

5-Year-Old Anti-Vaxxer Pens Heart Warming Memoir

SPRINGFIELD, WASHINGTON -- Paige Johnson is 5 years old, and doctors believe she has just a few precious weeks, perhaps months, left to live....

Bill Gates Announces Windows COVID-19 Operating System

SEATTLE, WASHINGTON -- In just a couple of weeks, Microsoft will launch its newest operating system at the specific direction of its founder and...

Anti-Vaxx Parents Register Crib and Coffin for Baby Shower

MUERTE DE CUNA COVE, OREGON -- Krystal and Chad Benning could not possibly be more excited to be parents. They got married in their...

Dean Jenny McCarthy Welcomes Prof. Jessica Biel to Mercola University Faculty

VALLE LA CHINGADA ESTUPIDA, CALIFORNIA -- Today the Double-Dean of Admission at the world's foremost leading pseudo-medical research university announced the addition of a...

Alex Jones’ Chem Trail Dealer Arrested

CORN PONE, TEXAS -- In a shocking and unforeseen turn of events, the man who has supplied right-wing provocateur Alex Jones with his chemtrail...

Anti-Vaxxer Outraged Friends ‘Listened to Common Sense and Science,’ and Had Their Baby Vaccinated

SPRING FALLS, CALIFORNIA -- 46-year-old California resident Dennis Myers calls himself "mostly apolitical," but he does have one issue that serves as a litmus...

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