Tuesday, April 13, 2021
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The Time Someone Bought an Election With Bottles of Water

Maybe Republicans have a reason to be suspicious of people getting bottled water while waiting in line to vote.

President Biden Apologizes to Neanderthal Americans

"I didn't see a single Neanderthal at the January 6th insurrection."

Man in MAGA Hat Burning Cross Says Democrats Are the ‘Real Racists’

WALLACE, GEORGIA -- A man in a MAGA hat burning a cross on the lawn of his black neighbor is not a racist, he...

Ghosts of Christmases Past, Present, Future Confirm McConnell Has No Soul to Save

"Quite frankly, I'd rather take a shot at saving Satan himself," the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come told us at one point during...

Cruz Warns Democrats Might Try to Steal Future Elections With More Votes than Republicans

RIO PINCHE CULERO, TEXAS -- Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Trump's Taint) warned Americans during a Facebook live video session with a conservative pundit that they...

Jordan, Gohmert, Collins Smugly Confident They’ve Convinced America to Impeach Hunter Biden

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- "We did it, guys. We really fuckin' did it," Congressman Matt Gaetz told reporters, turning to give his fellow House Judiciary...

Jim Jordan: “We Can’t Impeach Trump Before Impeaching Joe Biden”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Rep. Gym Jordan told reporters this morning that he "absolutely does not and will not ever" support the impeachment of President...

Trump Campaign Debuts New 2020 Slogan: “If She’s Brown, Deport Her Down”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The reelection campaign for President Mushroompenis Trump has rolled out a fresh new slogan, and it's sure to create quite a...

Tennessee Pro-Life Republicans Want to Outlaw All Sex

THEOCRACY MOUNTAIN, TENNESSEE -- In the state of Tennessee, pro-life forces are growing tired of other red states getting all the press and headlines...

Tennessee Pro-Life Republicans Want to Outlaw All Sex

THEOCRACY MOUNTAIN, TENNESSEE -- In the state of Tennessee, pro-life forces are growing tired of other red states getting all the press and headlines...

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