Thursday, January 21, 2021
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Mitch McConnell

BREAKING: Mitch McConnell Still a Villainous Cartoon Character Piece of Shit

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Two-thirds of the House of Representatives, the President of the United States, and several Senate Republicans have all worked together to...

Here You Go Plebs, Here’s $600. Thanks For the Salary and Healthcare.

The following editorial was written by Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) and Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-CA) in concert with one...

Ghosts of Christmases Past, Present, Future Confirm McConnell Has No Soul to Save

"Quite frankly, I'd rather take a shot at saving Satan himself," the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come told us at one point during...

McConnell: “Maybe I’m a Wrinkly Fuckstick Traitor. But That Doesn’t Mean Trump Shouldn’t Contest Every State He Lost.”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In a moment of unforeseen and rare candor, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell admitted that he is a "wrinkly fuckstick traitor,"...

Crate of New Pants Rushed to White House After Schumer Agrees to Call Hunter Biden

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A crate full of brand new suit pants, sweatpants, and dungarees has been rush delivered to the White House this morning,...

McConnell, Graham, Cruz Take Oath to Stop Blowing Trump Long Enough to Hear Impeachment Case Without Bias

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In the U.S. Senate, the official impeachment trial of President Donald John Trump will begin in earnest in just a matter...

McConnell: “Mulvaney Might Have TOO MUCH Evidence That Exonerates the President to Choose From”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The congressional stalemate over the delivery of President Trump's articles of impeachment between Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi and Senate...

McConnell Promises to Hold Impeachment Trial in Moscow

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell said today that "in the interest of fairness and logic" he's going to file a change...

Projections Show U.S. Could Fund Medicare For All For 400 Years Charging $1 To Punch Mitch McConnell In the Face

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The idea of "Medicare for All" -- expanding the United States' low cost healthcare program for the elderly and working poor...

President Runs Out of Dipping Sauce and Declares ‘National McNugget McMergency’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Sources within the White House are confirming that this morning, at approximately 7:45 am a state of national emergency was declared...

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