Tuesday, April 13, 2021
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Mitch McConnell

McConnell Blames Arsonist for Torched Building, Says He’s Not Guilty

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Last night, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell was out, taking a stroll around his block when found himself face-to-face with a...

McConnell Implores Schumer Not to Wield Power Unapologetically Like He Does

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- For the last decade or so, Mitch McConnell ran the Senate. He did so with such a lust and zeal for...

BREAKING: Mitch McConnell Still a Villainous Cartoon Character Piece of Shit

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Two-thirds of the House of Representatives, the President of the United States, and several Senate Republicans have all worked together to...

Here You Go Plebs, Here’s $600. Thanks For the Salary and Healthcare.

The following editorial was written by Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) and Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-CA) in concert with one...

Ghosts of Christmases Past, Present, Future Confirm McConnell Has No Soul to Save

"Quite frankly, I'd rather take a shot at saving Satan himself," the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come told us at one point during...

McConnell: “Maybe I’m a Wrinkly Fuckstick Traitor. But That Doesn’t Mean Trump Shouldn’t Contest Every State He Lost.”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In a moment of unforeseen and rare candor, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell admitted that he is a "wrinkly fuckstick traitor,"...

Crate of New Pants Rushed to White House After Schumer Agrees to Call Hunter Biden

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A crate full of brand new suit pants, sweatpants, and dungarees has been rush delivered to the White House this morning,...

McConnell, Graham, Cruz Take Oath to Stop Blowing Trump Long Enough to Hear Impeachment Case Without Bias

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In the U.S. Senate, the official impeachment trial of President Donald John Trump will begin in earnest in just a matter...

McConnell: “Mulvaney Might Have TOO MUCH Evidence That Exonerates the President to Choose From”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The congressional stalemate over the delivery of President Trump's articles of impeachment between Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi and Senate...

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