Smokey Bear’s New Slogan: “Only YOU Give a Shit About Your Baby’s Gender”

In 1944, the United States Forestry Department unveiled their new mascot — Smokey The ...

NASCAR Assures Fans They’ll See Confederate Flag Before Every Final Lap

DAYTONA BEACH, FLORIDA — Yesterday, NASCAR announced that it was banning the display of ...

Man Dumbfounded That Clothes Left Next to Hamper Are Still Washed and Folded

COLORADO SPRINGS, COLORADO — A Colorado man has reported miraculous laundry patterns in his ...

Confused Health Guru Contracts COVID-19 Despite Using His Best Turmeric Chakra Cleanse

KARMA VALLEY, OREGON — 53-year-old self-described “health guru” Pat Kinnerson just got a confirmed, ...

CDC Says to Stop Licking Surfaces Clean Like Cats

ATLANTA, GEORGIA — Doctors at the Centers for Disease Control are strongly urging everyone ...

Report: They’re Still Fighting Over the Fucking PS4 Controllers

LOS CHICOS LUCHANDO, ARIZONA — There are more than one PS4 controller in their ...

CDC Reminder: Also Sanitize Your Butt Plugs When There’s No Pandemic

ATLANTA, GEORGIA –Authorities at the Centers for Disease Control have issued a new statement ...