Tuesday, August 16, 2022
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Jesus Christ

COVID-19 Forces Jesus to Delay Second Coming

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- Concerns about the ongoing COVID-19 outbreak, particularly in the United States' "Bible Belt," have forced Jesus Hubert Christ to...

Jesus Still Doesn’t Know Why Everyone Calls the Day He Was Executed “Good Friday”

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- A visibly annoyed Jesus Hubert Christ, son of Larry "God" Schumway, told a gaggle of heavenly reporters this morning...

Agitated Trump Asks Why Jesus Christ ‘Gets Two Birthdays’ and He Only Gets One

MAR-A-LAGO -- Today, before firing off a handful of angry tweets about a report that he says fully exonerates his behavior and actions, President...

Jerusalem Jesus Awakes From Three Day Slumber And Sees Shadow, Predicting Return Of Winter

This morning, Jerusalem Jesus, the plucky mascot of Israel, predicted that there would be a return to winter weather. Three days earlier, Jesus entered his...

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