Monday, January 25, 2021
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Insurrection

Man Finds Ted Cruz Drowning and Throws Him a Cement Life Preserver

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- While it's not clear at this time exactly why Senator Ted Cruz went for a swim in the Potomac river last...

Genealogist Discovers Recessive ‘Beta’ Gene In People Who Violently Protest Accepting Defeat

Last week, America witnessed in horror as thousands of angry, bitter people stormed the capitol, vandalizing the seat of government and attempting a coup...

Op-Ed: Won’t Somebody Do Something About Trumpists Losing Their Social Media Followers?!

The following editorial was written by Bill Dickerdolldildo. Mr. Dickerdolldildo is the social media manager for The Washington Cornholer, a right-leaning newspaper. He is...

For Security Purposes, Biden May Be Given Oath of Office in a High School Science Class

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- After last week's deadly domestic terror attack on the U.S. Capitol, authorities in charge of next week's inauguration of Joe Biden...

Ted Cruz Hands Arsonist Gas and Matches and Tells Him to Stop Setting Fire to Stuff

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- He would later tell reporters he "wasn't quite sure what was thinking," but today Senator Ted Cruz (R-Trump's Taint) found...

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