NASCAR Assures Fans They’ll See Confederate Flag Before Every Final Lap

DAYTONA BEACH, FLORIDA — Yesterday, NASCAR announced that it was banning the display of ...

Local Stripper Practicing Giving Lap Dances from Six Feet Away

VALLE DE LAS CHICHIS, CALIFORNIA — Candy Sparkles is not her real name, but ...

Stupidfuck Training to Become Dumbfuck

MORON VALLEY, MINNESOTA — Marcus Palumbozo is a stupidfuck. He has all the certifications ...

Married Couple Might Get to Fuck Again Some Day

SAN GUILLERMO, CALIFORNIA — Neither one of them are to blame, when you get ...

Trump Worried Too Many Solar Panels Means Humans Might ‘Suck Up All the Sunlight’

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Presdident Donald Trump today told reporters that “one bigly reason” he ...

President Trump Asks All Intelligence Briefings Include Small Words And Big Pictures

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Trump administration has submitted an official request to Congress, asking ...

First Blind Winner At International Staring Contest Championship

OSLO, NORWAY — History was made this weekend at the International Staring Contest Championship, ...