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Condolences Overwhelmed Rep. Thomas Massie’s Office After He Publicized His Micro-Penis

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Rep. Thomas Massie (Q-KY) is being cheered by his colleagues on both sides of the aisle, a rare feat these days....

Boebert Grateful the ‘Gun Amendment is Second,’ Because If It Were Higher She Couldn’t Find It

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Freshman Congresswoman Lauren Boebert (Q-CO) told a group of gun manufacturer lobbyists this week that she "loves guns" and that while...

Hawley: Biden’s Gun Orders Are Bullying His ‘Friends Who Visited the Capital’ on January 6th

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Any Democratic president who issues executive orders on guns likely expects some rather forceful pushback and criticism on those orders from...

Ted Cruz: “We Can’t Do Something About Gun Violence Until We’re Done Doing Nothing”

Sen. Ted Cruz (Q-TX) doesn't want to do anything about gun violence until the country is done doing nothing about it first.

Scientist Says Boebert Was Created In a Lab With Sarah Palin’s Brain and Wayne LaPierre’s Dick Sweat

Recent GED recipient, former diarrhea inducing BBQ chef, and newly minted, freshman Congresswoman Lauren Boebert loves guns. She ran her campaign on a big...

NRA Backs Trump’s Proposed ‘Second Amendment Cure’ for Coronavirus

FAIRFAX, VIRGINIA -- The National Rifle Association has released a statement supporting an unorthodox idea floated by President Donald J. Trump's. Reportedly, last night,...

Santa Claus Asks Gun Owners to Stow Weapons Before He Comes

NORTH POLE, EARTH -- Kristopher Q. Kringle, known around the world by his stage name Santa Claus, has issued a request in the hours...

Starbucks Asks Customers Not To Open Carry Vape Pens in Stores

SEATTLE, WASHINGSTONED -- Coffee retailer Starbucks is joining a growing list of businesses that is asking customers not to bring personal items into their...

Local Mom Hopes Her Teenage Daughter Dies a Hero at School Today

LAKE LE'TARGET, MINNESOTA -- As 41 year old Carol Scoffley hugged her 13 year old daughter before school today, she had just one thought...

Weather Channel Adding Local Mass Shooting Forecasts to U.S. Broadcasts

ATLANTA, GEORGIA -- The Weather Channel announced late this week that will start including hourly, daily, and weekly mass shooting forecasts in their local...

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