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Florida’s New 15-Week Abortion Ban Really Opens Up Matt Gaetz’ Dating Prospects

On Thursday, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis (Q) helped his state join other Republican-controlled legislatures that have recently adopted harsh new bans on abortion. DeSantis...

Texas Man Thinks Wife’s OB is a Groomer Because They Couldn’t Find the Fetus’s Genitals

FT. SHITLIP, TEXAS -- A man in the Lonestar State filed a suit in court yesterday, demanding damages from his wife's obstetrician-gynecologist. The lawsuit...

Florida Bans Teaching Any Pronouns to Any Student at Any Grade Level

https://youtu.be/4f5eSK0bp5s TALLAHASSEE, FLORIDUH -- Republicans in The Gunshine State have pushed a new law through their legislature and onto the desk of Gov. Ron DeSantis,...

Data Shows DeSantis Thinks About Gay Sex More Than Two Dudes Banging

https://youtu.be/ugeC0u5mgJs TALLAHASSEE, FLORIDUH -- Florida's controversial new "Don't Say Gay" bill is on its way to Gov. Ron DeSantis' desk to sign into law. Once...

I’m a Gay Teacher From Florida. Is It Illegal For Me To Introduce Myself To My Class Now?

https://youtu.be/Mplc_09e4f0 The following editorial was written by Gerald Farthing, a 36 year old English teacher living in Lake Stinkhole, Florida. Mr. Farthing is gay and...

New Policy Lets DeSantis Punch Kids in the Mouth for Wearing a Mask

TALLAHASSEE, FLORIDUH -- A new policy instituted by Gov. Ron DeSantis (Q-FL) allows him to punch "any and all students" he encounters who are...

DeSantis: “I’ll Worry About Kids Getting COVID When They’re Old Enough to Vote”

TALLAHASSEE, FLORIDUH -- This morning, Gov. Ron DeSantis (Q-FL) continued his public feud with schools and districts in his state who are resisting his...

Matt Gaetz Has a Perfectly Reasonable Explanation for Using Venmo to Buy a Fleet of Windowless Vans

LAKE EPSTEIN, FLORIDA -- According to sources, investigators have uncovered a new wrinkle in Qongressman Matt Gaetz' sex-for-money scandal. Reportedly, in 2018, Gaetz and...

Florida Deems Rub-n-Tug Massage Parlors ‘Essential Businesses’

TALLAHASSEE, FLORIDA -- This week, the State of Florida labeled professional wrestling an "essential business" and granted the WWE permission to continue to operate...

Wayne LaPierre Too Busy Scrubbing Blood Off Hands To Equivocate About Gun Violence

FAIRFAX, VIRGINIA -- National Rifle Association Executive Vice-President Wayne LaPierre told reporters today that he won't have time to equivocate about gun violence in...

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