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Facebook Says Trump Has to Wait Two Years Before Trying to Use It to Subvert Democracy Again

SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- Facebook announced today that former President Donald Trump's suspension will continue for two years, after which he is "free...

Trump Jr. Furious His Dad Will Pay for Ivanka’s OnlyFans But Not a Cameo From Him

"Listen here, you tell him that I am not coming to his next rally if he doesn't do at least one Cameo with me,...

Man Who Believed We Can Inject Bleach Also Believes He Can Be Reinstated as President

FART-A-LOTGO, FLORIDA -- Last year, former President Donald Trump -- who only served one term, was impeached twice, and left office with the lowest...

Fauci: It’s ‘Entirely Possible’ Ted Cruz Leaked From a Lab or Trump’s Rectum

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Dr. Anthony Fauci finally laid to rest some questions he's been repeatedly hounded by reporters and Republican members of Congress to...

Stefanik Faces Surprise Challenge from Trump’s Dong for Conference Chair

"We'd only be affirming what everybody already knows is true." - House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy (Q-CA) WASHINGTON, D.C. -- When they shoved Rep. Liz...

Mexico Offers to Pay Facebook to Keep Trump Off Site

MEXICO CITY, MEXICO -- In an email to Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg, the country of Mexico has offered, officially, to pay "whatever price" the...

Greene: Oversight Board Should Have Forced Facebook to Bake Trump’s ‘Bullshit Cake’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Given that she is one of former President Donald John Toadstool Cock Trump's most ardent supporters on the Hill, there are...

Hannity Slams Complete Sentences and Cogent Thoughts in Biden’s First Congressional Address

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- Fox News personality Sean Hannity was not in any way, shape, or form impressed with the first joint congressional...

CDC Says Fully Vaccinated Politicians Can Safely Rim Wannabe Autocrats Again

ATLANTA, GEORGIA -- Many Americans are wondering when life can return to some version of normal after they're fully vaccinated against COVID-19. Despite what...

Cruz: “The Only Thing I Need Covering My Face Left Washington on January 20th”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- For quite some time, some Senate Republicans have scoffed at, if not openly defied, congressional rules dictating they wear a face...

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