Tag: coronavirus memes

Florida Deems Rub-n-Tug Massage Parlors ‘Essential Businesses’

TALLAHASSEE, FLORIDA — This week, the State of Florida labeled professional wrestling an “essential ...

Confused Health Guru Contracts COVID-19 Despite Using His Best Turmeric Chakra Cleanse

KARMA VALLEY, OREGON — 53-year-old self-described “health guru” Pat Kinnerson just got a confirmed, ...

CDC Says to Stop Licking Surfaces Clean Like Cats

ATLANTA, GEORGIA — Doctors at the Centers for Disease Control are strongly urging everyone ...

CDC Reminder: Also Sanitize Your Butt Plugs When There’s No Pandemic

ATLANTA, GEORGIA –Authorities at the Centers for Disease Control have issued a new statement ...

CDC Suggests Couples Start Using “Just the Tip”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In order to help minimize the spread of the novel coronavirus, ...

Disneyland Having All Its Caribbean Pirates Tested for Coronavirus

ANASLIME, CALIFORNIA — The Walt Disney Company announced this week that for the first ...

David Avocado Wolfe and Gwyneth Paltrow Appointed to Coronavirus Response Team

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Though his administration is telling Americans that the coronavirus has been ...

CDC Issues Guidelines for Safe Handjobs During Coronavirus Outbreak

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Centers for Disease Control issued a new set of guidelines ...