Saturday, September 18, 2021
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New Policy Lets DeSantis Punch Kids in the Mouth for Wearing a Mask

TALLAHASSEE, FLORIDUH -- A new policy instituted by Gov. Ron DeSantis (Q-FL) allows him to punch "any and all students" he encounters who are...

Highly Anticipated Durham Report Concludes Joe Biden is Still Donald Trump’s President

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- For more than a year, pro-MAGA Americans have been on pins and needles awaiting its arrival. Now, finally, Inspector General John...

Pat Robertson Blames ‘Hot Men Doing Sexy Times on Each Other’s Fannies’ for California Wildfires

VIRGINIA BEACH, VIRGINIA -- Televangelist Pat Robertson has been watching the developments in California this week quite closely, however it's not the potential recall...

Louis CK, Bill Cosby, and Bill O’Reilly Next on Producers’ Shortlist to Host “Jeopardy”

HOLLYWOOB, CALIFORNIA --They really thought they'd found the perfect pair to host one of the most respected and beloved game shows of all time...

Graham: Biden Should Be Impeached for Afghanistan and How Little Face-to-Balls Time He Gets

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Elected pro-MAGA Republicans have been relentless in the past few days in their calls for the impeachment of President Joe Biden....

DeSantis: “I’ll Worry About Kids Getting COVID When They’re Old Enough to Vote”

TALLAHASSEE, FLORIDUH -- This morning, Gov. Ron DeSantis (Q-FL) continued his public feud with schools and districts in his state who are resisting his...

Unathletic Traitor Has Some Thoughts to Share on Simone Biles

MT. DICKHOLE, WEST VIRGINIA -- 48-year-old Doug Palumbo is not what anyone would call athletically gifted, but he doesn't hide from that fact. Friends,...

Trump Jr. Furious His Dad Will Pay for Ivanka’s OnlyFans But Not a Cameo From Him

"Listen here, you tell him that I am not coming to his next rally if he doesn't do at least one Cameo with me,...

Mexico Offers to Pay Facebook to Keep Trump Off Site

MEXICO CITY, MEXICO -- In an email to Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg, the country of Mexico has offered, officially, to pay "whatever price" the...

Hannity Slams Complete Sentences and Cogent Thoughts in Biden’s First Congressional Address

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- Fox News personality Sean Hannity was not in any way, shape, or form impressed with the first joint congressional...

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