CDC Releases Study Using Demonic Semen, Alien DNA, and Unicorn Blood to Treat COVID-19

ATLANTA, GEORGIA — The Centers for Disease Control published a highly-anticipated study on the ...

CDC Warns Libertarians: There Is No Nerd Immunity from COVID-19

ATLANTA, GEORGIA — The Centers for Disease Control has issued an urgent warning to ...

CDC Says to Stop Licking Surfaces Clean Like Cats

ATLANTA, GEORGIA — Doctors at the Centers for Disease Control are strongly urging everyone ...

CDC Reminder: Also Sanitize Your Butt Plugs When There’s No Pandemic

ATLANTA, GEORGIA –Authorities at the Centers for Disease Control have issued a new statement ...

CDC Suggests Couples Start Using “Just the Tip”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In order to help minimize the spread of the novel coronavirus, ...

CDC Issues Guidelines for Safe Handjobs During Coronavirus Outbreak

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Centers for Disease Control issued a new set of guidelines ...