Wednesday, March 3, 2021
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2020 Election

Ted Cruz Will Demand Congress Certify He’s a Ball-less Douche With an Ugly Wife

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Before the 2016 presidential race, Sen. Ted Cruz had a wife named Heidi whose looks had never been the subject of...

Biden Posts Eviction Notices on White House Doors

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Last week, it was reported by Satirical Facts that the Biden transition team officially served President Donald J. Trump with eviction...

Ron Johnson: “It’s a Problem That People Don’t Have Faith in the Election I Keep Talking Shit About”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Comrade Senator Ronald Johnsoninski told reporters today that he thinks there's a growing crisis of confidence in American elections, and that...

Breaking: Joe Biden Is Still Your Next President

In a completely foreseen and very precedented development, former Vice President Joe Biden is still your next president. There are millions of Americans, spurred...

Op-Ed: I’ve Waited 17 Years for Proof Iraq Had WMD. I Can Wait Forever For Proof Biden Cheated.

The following is an editorial submitted to this publication by Dustin Pewpson, a leading right-wing, Republican lobbyist. Mr. Pewpson has been involved in politics...

106 House Republicans Sign Brief With Supreme Court Declaring Trump’s Genitals ‘Tasty and Habit-Forming’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- As the days in both the Trump administration and the Republican Party's even feigned allegiance to democratic institutions wains, one thing...

Cruz Warns Democrats Might Try to Steal Future Elections With More Votes than Republicans

RIO PINCHE CULERO, TEXAS -- Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Trump's Taint) warned Americans during a Facebook live video session with a conservative pundit that they...

OP-ED: What Do You Mean There Are Consequences for Supporting Corrupt, Incompetent Asshole Bullies?

The following is a reader-submitted editorial from Kevin Riccilumbo, a reader from New Fucnut, Connecticut. The views and opinions of reader editorials do not...

Progressive Voter Would Rather Have Another Trump Term Than an Imperfectly Progressive Candidate

NEARSIGHTED VALLEY, MICHIGAN -- 42 year old John Jacobson considers himself a progressive voter. That doesn't mean he always votes for one party's candidates,...

McCain Leads Trump in Early 2020 Polling

In a new poll that was just published, the late Senator John McCain (R-AZ) would handily defeat incumbent President Donald Trump in a head-to-head...

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