GOEBBELS, FLORIDA — Former White House Press Sniveling Toady Sean Spicer said on his NewsmaxTV show this morning that not only does he believe that his former boss will be “reinstated” to office in a couple of days, he believes that it’ll be an event that attracts a “massive, bigly, historic crowd.”
“Let me tell you something folks. Mike Lindell and I had a lovely dinner and crack pipe meeting last night,” Spicer announced out of the blue, “and he showed me a few emails from people who claimed to have the evidence Mike says exists that will prove Joe Biden stole the election from King Emperor God Donald Trump. So yes, I do believe that he will ride Nessie back into D.C. and finally drain that swamp.”
Spicer, his suit approximately sixteen sizes too large for his diminutive frame, continued.
“Not only will be reinstated, whether or not the so-called Constitution, which was clearly written by Bob Mueller’s angry Democrat anti-Trumpers, says he can be or not,” Spicer claimed. “It’ll be a real shock to the libtards in this country who comically believe their votes count more than our feelings.”
The spectacle and historic nature of a defeated president returning to power will bring Americans out in droves, Spicer claimed. He believes that “gun toting, red meat eating, capitol storming patriots” have been looking for a reason to return to Washington. D.C., and Trump’s reinstatement will be that reason.
“Donald Trump will bring people out by the bucket load,” Spicer promised, “and I know with all my heart it will be the biggest reinstatement crowd in history. Period.”
Former, one term, twice forever impeached President Donald Trump issued a statement praising Spicer, who he called his “most favorite rectal barnacle.”
“Sean is, of course, right, and I will be mounting Nessie, drinking a glass of unicorn blood, and retaking my throne in just a matter of days,” Trump wrote. “He has earned himself a treat, which I will personally give him the next time I see him. Thank you Sean, you always know how to make my taint feel fresh and clean.”