Saturday, September 18, 2021

Pelosi Says Jan. 6th Commission Can Investigate Benghazi So Republicans Support It

“…and if that isn’t enough for them, they can throw in Bill Clinton’s Oval Office beejer for all I care.” – Speaker Nancy Pelosi

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In order to garner Republican support for it, Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) announced today that she’d approve of a bipartisan January 6th commission also investigating Benghazi another time.

Yesterday, the House passed a bill that, if passed in the Senate and eventually signed by President Joe Biden, would create a commission to study what happened before, during, and since the attempted insurrection back on January 6th, 2021. The commission would function almost exactly like the 9/11 Commission did. Despite both House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy (Q-CA) and Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (Q-KY) opposing the establishment of the January 6th commission, more than two dozen House Republicans voted along with every single Democrat to pass the legislation.

McConnell Says He’d Oppose January 6th Commission Even If He Weren’t Covered in Trump’s Ball Juice

“To many of us, the Benghazi investigations are done. We saw the House Republicans dig into that event and spin off about a dozen congressional investigations into it,” Pelosi said during her weekly presser today, “but obviously there are Republicans still chewing on that bone. It’s just a wad of marrow at this point, but they aren’t letting go of it any time soon.”

Pelosi said that the work of the January 6th commission is so important, she’s willing to extend an olive branch to Republicans, if it means more of them will go along with it.

“We need this commission. So if it’ll get Ron Johnsoninski and Randy Paul on board with it,” Pelosi explained, “we’ll let them carve off a little of the budget and investigate Benghazi again. Who knows, maybe they’ll find a connection between it and the insurrection? I mean, other than the people who perpetrated being obsessed with Benghazi, of course.”

Speaker Pelosi even went so far as to say she’d be willing to let the commission look into other things “Republicans can’t, won’t, and never will shut the fuck up about.”

“These dudes are still hung-up on a lot of stuff that either turned out to be nothing, or that they really misunderstood. So if they want to look into the one time Barack Obama farted in Mitch McConnell’s presence, have at,” Pelosi explained. “Hell, and if that isn’t enough for them, they can throw in Bill Clinton’s Oval Office beejer for all I care. Just let us investigate your pals for trying to knock over our government, and you can chase down any pipe dream you have.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

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