David Avocado Wolfe and Gwyneth Paltrow Appointed to Coronavirus Response Team

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Though his administration is telling Americans that the coronavirus has been ...

Mark Meadows Named White House Grand Imperial Chief of Staff

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Yesterday, Donald Trump announced that his loyal and faithful servant, Chief ...

NRA Backs Trump’s Proposed ‘Second Amendment Cure’ for Coronavirus

FAIRFAX, VIRGINIA — The National Rifle Association has released a statement supporting an unorthodox ...

CDC Issues Guidelines for Safe Handjobs During Coronavirus Outbreak

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Centers for Disease Control issued a new set of guidelines ...

Spoiler Alert: You’re a Fucking Asshole

Hey, you! Yeah, you! I hope you’re sitting down, and in a comfortable place ...