NEW YORK, NEW YORK — The New York Board of Elections, despite having its own issues in tabulating votes in its Democratic mayoral primary, announced via a statement that they could confirm Joe Biden is still Donald Trump’s president.
“Undoubtedly, we have a lot to improve upon, and need to do a whole bunch of improvements and revisions to our voting systems,” NYBOE deputy spokesperson Carol Carolsby told reporters today. “We can and will get better. That being said, I can also confirm at this time that Joe Biden is still Donald Trump’s president.”
In order to verify the status of Biden’s presidency, the NYBOE looked at a calendar, saw that it was still 2021, and then checked the Constitution, Carolsby divulged.
“I think the former, one-term, twice permanently impeached president wishes he had figured how to change it,” Carolsby explained, “but as of right now, the Constitution doesn’t contain a hurt feelings clause. The only participation trophy it allows is for people to lose the popular vote and the presidency, but they have to win enough Electoral College votes for that, and Mr. Trump fell well short of that goal this time around.”
Carolsby also confirmed that there no laws preventing Trump from “failing to win the popular vote a third time.”
“There is a term limit imposed by the 22nd Amendment, which states no president can serve more than two consecutive terms,” Carolsby said, “but there are no laws against him losing the popular vote as many times as he wants. In fact, provided he can stay out of jail, he can run in any election he feels like getting fewer votes in.”
The White House has confirmed the NYBOE’s report.
“As of this time, President Biden remains in office, doing president stuff,” Press Secretary Jen Psaki told the media today. “Based on prior conversations I’ve had with him, I’d say it’s a pretty safe bet he will remain as president his entire term, despite any tantrums or insurrections that might occur.”
Former President Trump could not be reached for comment.
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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.