Monday, January 17, 2022

Mike Lindell Claims to Have Evidence Millions of Americans ‘Wanted Trump to Lose’

Mike Lindell, the embattled CEO of MyPillow and MyCrackpipe, announced on Steve Bannon’s podcast yesterday that he has “100% irrefutable proof” of something he says should “negate, toss out, and invalidate” the 2020 election. Now more than a year after it concluded and his friend Don Trump was removed from office, Lindell is ready to present his “evidence.”

“Steve, what I’m about to tell your listeners will shock them. It might shock them more than when they learned that Obama was a Kenyan Muslim. It might even shock them more than when they found out the South lost the Civil War,” Lindell began his announcement.

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Bannon, stuffing a live frog into his mouth while he sat perched atop a dais he broadcasts from, leaned in excitedly as Lindell continued.

“Bo, shooda,” Bannon entreated Lindell to go on.

Lindell, taking a hit from an always nearby crack pipe, did just that.

“Steve, I have evidence, irrefutable now, that literally millions of Americans participated in a nasty, nefarious scheme to defeat our great president. All because they wanted Trump to lose,” Lindell clucked.

“Neena, com-wonky evidence du conspirada,” Bannon asked Lindell what his proof could be.

Lindell smiled.

“I thought you’d never ask, my liege. My evidence is right here,” Lindell said, holding up a piece of paper. “Printed right here is the exit polling data. If you look at this data, which the FAKE NEWS doesn’t even dispute, it shows that literally dozens of millions of Americans voted against Don Trump! I’m not even sure how that’s legal! It was a conspiracy of votes, Steve!”

Mr. Bannon laughed and told Lindell he’d be “rewarded for his cunning and ingenuity” when Trump was restored to power.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

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