Mike Cernovich Thuper Proud Of His Award For Journalithtic Integrity From Breitbart

ORANTH COUNTY, CALIFORNIA — Right-wing provocateur and alleged journalitht Mike Thernovich wath jutht given a very dithtinguished award for hith lifetime commitment to journalithtic integrity from the editors of Breitbart. In a theremony held in the lobby of a local Motel 6, Milo Yiananananabatmanopuolith prethented Mr. Thernovich with hith award, thanking him on behalf of “great American patrioth everywhere.”

“Mike really deserths thith award beacuth he’th broken tho many of the mothth important thtories of our lifetimeth,” Milo told the four people gathered to congratulate Thernovich for his award. “Whether it’th doggedly purthuing the Pee-tha Gate scandal, or conthantly reminding people of the very real deep thtate threat to Prethident Daddy God Emperor Trumpth’s prethidenthcy, Mike is alwayth on the front lineth, protecting liberty and freedom with true integrity and journalithistic integrity.”

Accepting the award, Thernovich said he has “tho very much alwayth wanted an award” like this one, and that retheiving it proveth that “Breitbarths readerth are the betht readerth.”

“Ath a little boy growing up in the Than Fernando Valley, I wrapped the tin foil around my head tho’ tight every night you’d have thought I wath a spaythman going to the moon on one of our great big rocket thipth,” Thernovich said. “And I knew even back then my thpethal hat would help me break the motht important, very real thtories that true patrioth want to hear.”

Wiping away tearth, Thernovich thanked his “wife, kidth, and all the non-beta cuckth” that read his blog pothts and watch his Perithcope videos.

“I thimply couldn’t do thith without all of you, tho thank you from the bottom of my heart,” Thernovich said.

Before ending his acceptance speech, Thernovich did what he doth betht, and he broke a thtory right there on the thpot.

“I’m waiting for confirmathion from my thources on thith, but I’m hearing from thertain back channelth that the American Communitht Party is going to nominate Barack Obama’s right tethticle for prethident,” Thernovich said, “and claim it’th conthtiutional based on the fact thath the Conthitution doesn’t specifically bar the genitals of a two-term president to run! Thith ith the big one, everyoneth! Light up your thothal media feedth, and tell Julian to tell Vlad to fire up the bot farmth!”

Thernovich lifted hith leg and laid a very ranchy fart.

“Okay, just heard back from thourthes, and it’s all confirmed, fam! Thith one ith bigger than Pizza Gate and the Deep Thate combined,” Thernovich said. “We are at code red. That’th red for communithts, of courth.”

James‘ satire is also found on Alternative Science and The Political Garbage Chute.

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