Saturday, January 16, 2021

Mexico Issues $0.00 Check For Final Wall Payment

This story was first published on Alternatively Facts, and is reprinted below with their expressed, written permission.

MEXICO CITY, MEXICO — When he ran for president in 2015 and 2016, outgoing-lame duck-one-term-permanently impeached President Donald J. Trump promised that he was going to build a new, massive wall on the southern border between Mexico and the United States. That alone was a very bold promise, given that net migration from the south had been at all-time lows and there wasn’t a real appetite for it, except among his anti-immigrant base. What made it a truly outlandish proposal was that he swore up and down that Mexico would be the ones to pay for the wall.

Today, the Mexican government sent its final check to the U.S. Treasury department, earmarked as its last wall payment. The amount of the check was the same it has been every time Mexico has sent one these past four years. It was written for the amount of $0.00, and a middle finger was drawn on the memo line.

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“Pinche Pendejo Naranjo, please accept this check as our final installment for your monument to racism on our shared border,” a note accompanying the check reads. “You will find that is for the same amount of all the quarterly checks we have sent you for the last four years. Thanks for keeping one of our most popular inside jokes relevant this whole time, Mr. Pato Incapacitado.”

In addition to the check for no money, Mexico also sent an empty box of chocolates and a bouquet of dead flowers.

“Please also accept these special gifts on behalf of our entire nation. You have truly earned your one and only term as president,” Mexico’s government explained, “as much as you deserve what’s in the box. The bouquet represents the 300,000 of your own people that you let die from covid-19 because you are as incompetent as you are lazy, entitled, arrogant, racist, and criminal.”

The White House did not respond to Mexico’s letter, check, or gifts by the time of publication.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

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