Saturday, September 18, 2021

Meghan McCain’s Hairdresser Thankful They No Longer Have to Send Coded Cries for Help

Since 2017, Meghan McCain’s hairdresser has been sending coded signals to audience members watching The View both at home and in the television studio. Those messages were meant to be a cry for help, asking someone — anyone — to rescue from them from what they told us was the “worst fucking gig” of their career.

To protect their identity and not jeopardize future jobs, we agreed not to publish the hairdresser’s name, or any identifying characteristics. In exchange, McCain’s hairdresser agreed to sit down for a wide-ranging interview with us. Now that McCain’s final appearance on The View as a host has concluded, her former hairdresser tells us that they’re “relieved” and are looking forward to the future.

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The Pastiche Post: Thank you for agreeing to this interview. We’re sure it’s a stressful time, now that your job working with Ms. McCain is over.

Hair Dresser: (Laughs) Seriously? I couldn’t be happier! For the last four years I’ve been trying to get someone, anyone to see my cries for help. I really thought that some of the bullshit I did with her hair and extensions would have made someone out there realize I needed to be rescued, but I guess it just turns out most people assume she has as much style as she does experience she’d have if John McCain wasn’t her dad.

TPP: You were sending coded cries for help?

HD: (Laughs harder) You think those hairstyles looked like they were invented by someone who enjoyed their life? That they came from the mind of someone who didn’t dread having to spend a few hours a day in the presence of an entitled, spoiled prat who, without the gift of her last name, would likely be lucky to get a few likes on her screeching tirades on Facebook? Interesting.

TPP: What were you hoping people would do, if they caught onto your cries for help?

HD: That I’m not really sure of. Help me, obviously. Find me a job, any job, anywhere, that wouldn’t subject me to hours and hours of opinions based on a privileged upbringing that in no way reflects an understanding of how life works for the majority of us. But those aren’t easy to come by, I know, so maybe I just hoping someone would care enough to ask if I was okay.

TPP: So what’s next for you?

HD: I’m taking a few weeks off, to clear my head, and to sort of reward myself for getting through the most trying ordeal of my professional career.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

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