Wednesday, July 28, 2021

McEnany Still Looking for a Taco Bell That Will Hire Her

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Former White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany has still, as of yet, not found her next line of employment. According so sources with close knowledge of the situation, McEnany has been rebuffed by every single new prospective employer she has contacted. Things are getting so desperate that now, the Harvard-educated lawyer is apparently searching high and low for any Taco Bell franchise that will have her.

“It might seem like an odd move — a lawyer working for Taco Bell — but if you think about it, this makes a ton of sense,” one of McEnany’s friends reportedly told Fox News today. “Taco Bell’s food is notorious for giving you the shits, and listening to Kayleigh’s voice for more than thirty seconds has literally the exact same effect.”

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McEnany had tried to use her law degree to secure a position with a new company outside of the fast food industry, but apparently hasn’t gotten any offers of employment. In fact, her friend told Fox News that one of the organizations that turned her town came as quite a surprise to Ms. McEnany. However, her reputation for lying on behalf of her former boss is what came back to haunt her.

“Even the Klan said she was too full of shit to work for them. She meets literally all of their other criteria,” McEnany’s friend divulged, “but they straight up told her that she lies so much that NOBODY can believe what she says, and that would be a problem for them, since they’re trying to recruit more racists into their group, and they need someone prospective klansmen believe would tell them the truth about the sinister non-white agenda to destroy America.”

Recently, The Pastiche Post reported that one of McEnany’s final tasks that she completed for her former boss was to empty out the Resolute Desk drawers, which had become full with McNugget dipping sauces.

“It has been the honor of my life to serve this great man, and I guess in some small way, to serve this country, or whatever,” McEnany said, “and it is the utter height of that honor for me to scrub the Adderall residue of all the mirrors in this White House, and Stephen Miller told me last night that taking the rubber sheets off the bed in the Lincoln Bedroom is one of the highlights of his whole racist life!” (The PP)

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McEnany is hoping to hear from a local Taco Bell’s assistant shift supervisor soon.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

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