Monday, January 17, 2022

Four Foot Tall Man Famous for Convincing People to Eat Bugs Confirms Deep State is “100% Real”

FUCKSBERG, TEXAS — A short man, barely four feet tall, told his massive podcast audience this week that the so-called Deep State, referred to by former President Don Trump quite frequently, is “100% real.”

The self-evidently tiny man blasted “the media” and believes it’s “fucking apparent” that the press and government collude together. Notably, he offered no concrete evidence of this. However, he did smoke a joint while speaking.

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“The collusion between the media and the government is pretty apparent, especially the left-wing media and left-wing government,” the tiny little mansaid. “It’s pretty fucking apparent that there are some narratives that get shared back and forth.”

The man, who got his start as a political commentator and observer on the sitcom “News Radio,” where he played a moron almost too convincingly, lashed out at the press for “talking points.”

“They have talking points, and they don’t talk about things that they’re not supposed to, like the Hunter Biden laptop story or something that’s actual news,” the short statured man continued. “Crazy story because if that was the Donald Trump Jr. laptop, holy fucking shit would that lead every night.”

He attacked press outlets for reporting on the Mueller investigation.

“I mean this whole Russia collusion story, completely nonsense,” he said. “That’s insane. That was three and a half years the American public was getting beat down with the Russia collusion thing.” It was created. It was created by the Democratic Party.”

The small man accused Democrats of trying to impeach Trump, which they did successfully, twice, in his singular term. That’s when he confirmed the Deep State’s existence.

“They were trying to literally impeach [Donald] Trump for some shit that they made up,” he said. “Look, Trump’s not a perfect guy. But this fucking thing that he kept saying about the ‘deep state’— it’s real! It’s 100% real!”

Then, he confirmed one of Trump’s other signature talking points — the swamp is real.

“The swamp is real. They’re fucking  real monsters, and they were trying to get rid of him by lying,” he insisted. “They were not spending their time trying to make the government work more efficiently and make the country a better place for everyone and prop up the middle class. No. They were trying to regain power, and they got it.”

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