Tuesday, April 13, 2021

Jim Jordan Travels Through Time to Call Montgomery Bus Boycott ‘Woke Cancel Culture’

From December 1955 to December 1956, the Montgomery Bus Boycott, famously started when Rosa Parks was asked (and refused) to cede her seat to white person while riding the bus, helped draw attention to the civil rights movement’s struggle for equality in the Jim Crow south. Today, Congressman Jim Jordan (Q-OH), told reporters he’s invented time travel for the sole purpose of going back in time to call Ms. Parks a “social justice warrior” to her face, and to label the boycott as part of “woke cancel culture.”

“My question for the radical leftist social justice warrior Rosa Parks would be why she felt the need to cancel segregated buses when they’d worked so well for so long,” Jordan explained while debuting his new time machine to reporters this morning. “Of course, we all know the answer to that question already. It’s because like all over-woke leftists, Rosa Parks wanted to radically and fundamentally change America.”

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Jordan said it’s “part the duty” he feels to protect America from “cultural Marxists and radical liberals,” that drove him to invent time travel so he can “shit all over the civil rights movement with patriotism and pride in our lack of melanin.”

“I don’t seem to remember reading in the Constitution that someone has a right to any old bus seat they want,” Jordan insisted. “Why did Rosa think she should cancel white dominance, exactly? What gave her the impression that the country wanted or needed her to cancel how buses ran for years? Clearly she’s a woke-topian cancel culture warrior.”

When he’s done traveling to 1955 to criticize the Montgomery Bus Boycott, Jordan plans to travel even further back to push back against “even earlier instances of cancel culture’s craziness.”

“I’m gonna go all the way back to the time right after we lost the civil war. And I know I don’t have the power to reverse the outcome of Lincoln’s tyrannical aggression,” Jordan explained, “but I will do my best to knock down the Reconstruction Acts and call them dangerous overreach. Nothing says ‘cancel culture’ like canceling the property rights of good southern non-paying job creators, does it?”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

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