Friday, May 7, 2021

Hannity Slams Complete Sentences and Cogent Thoughts in Biden’s First Congressional Address

NEW YORK, NEW YORK — Fox News personality Sean Hannity was not in any way, shape, or form impressed with the first joint congressional address delivered by President Joe Biden last night. Hannity blasted Biden’s speech as a “brazen display of vocabulary” and a “wicked attack on the uneducated, doddering, barely literate presidents of yore.”

“See, folks? This is the culmination of everything I’ve been warning you about since Sleepy Joe entered the race in 2019,” Hannity howled. “He’s assaulting good, clean, barely literate Americans everywhere. In fact, I dare say that Biden’s speech will be remembered as history’s most wicked attack on the uneducated, doddering, barely literate presidents of yore, and was a shocking and brazen display of vocabulary.”

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Hannity assailed Biden for elucidating his policy positions in a clear, cogent, and focused way.

“It’s utterly dangerous to speak to the American people like that. Our greatest leader, Dear President Trump, knew how important it was to be as stupid as the people who put you in office,” Hannity insisted. “That’s why he went out of his way to be so dumb and to act so stupidly. Why the hell is Joe Biden acting like he’s so much smarter than Donald Trump, other than the fact that he is so much smarter than Donald Trump?!”

His emotions getting the better of him, Hannity began sobbing and reflexively farting. As he spoke, his words became more soaked with sadness and outrage, as did his rectal expulsions. The audience could likely sense and smell his frustration.

“Friends, I’m telling you this right here and right now,” Hannity cried, his farting reaching a fever pitch, “if we don’t stand up to this man, he might get even more bold, he might get even more brazen. What if he keeps talking in complete sentences? What if he keeps using adult words? I’m afraid I don’t know where this nation will be if Joe Biden insists on continuously treating us like grown-ups and behaving like one himself.”

MORE: Biden Makes “Merry Christmas” Illegal Again

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

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