Friday, May 7, 2021

Greene Starts ‘White America First’ Caucus With Other Far Right House Republicans

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Just hours after announcing its formation, Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) post a video declaring that her new caucus of far right conservatives in the House of Representatives needed an update to its name.

“Hey fam! Just wanted to hop on here and let you all know that our America First Caucus is going strong, but we gotta change the name just a tiny bit,” Greene said. “It’s gonna be the White America First Caucus. Sorry we didn’t make it clear at first, but we thought everyone would be able to figure that part out since their favorite crack smoking, less than mediocre, white female congressional representative was frontin’ it, but a little clarification never hurt nobody.”

MORE: McConnell Blasts Dems for Expanding Supreme Court Instead of ‘Stealing Seats Like Patriots’

- Advertisement -

Greene gave the camera a thumbs up and then pulled Cracky, her trusty crack pipe, out of her pocket.

“Hello Cracky,” Greene said to her crack pipe. “How are you today?”

Cracky said he was “feeling just fine.”

“I’m feeling just fine, Marj, thanks for asking,” Cracky replied. “You ready to get HIGH now Marjorie?”

- Advertisement -

Greene cackled as she nodded her head up and down and pulled out a small, pocket blow torch. Next, she put a nice sized crack rock into Cracky’s bowl and lit it with the blow torch. Greene closed her eyes and hit the glass dick hard, letting out a sigh as she did.

“Jumpin’ Jack Q-Anon, that is good shit, Cracky! Thank you,” Greene said, continuing her announcement. “As you true patriots out there know, it’s been really hard in America for white people for the last 245 years! So many people of, shall we say VARIED skin tones demanding their so-called freedoms as if they’re entitled to some unalienable version of them or whatever it is they say. I don’t know, there’s not enough crack in the world for me to smoke to where I can wrap my head around all their nonsense.”

Because she believes that “white people barely have it better than everyone else anymore,” she and other pro-MAGA members of the House decided they needed a caucus stronger even than the Freedom Caucus. So they named their new group after a slogan former President Trump revived from its previous roots as an early 20th-century motto for white supremacist isolationists, “America First.”

“But all of a sudden, we realized we we needed to be tons more specific about which America we’re puttin’ first,” Greene explained. “Hence why it’s now the White America First caucus. Hopefully it don’t confuse people too much since that’s basically what the big Republican caucus is anyway. We’ll just have to see. Greene out!”

The video closes with Greene taking one more big hit from Cracky and blowing the smoke into the camera lens.

Follow James on Instagram.
Subscribe to James’ Patreon for ad-free satire.

MORE: John Wilkes Booth Claimed He Confused His Taser for His Derringer


 

Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

More articles

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

- Advertisement -

Latest article