Friday, May 7, 2021

Gina Carano Identifies As Unemployed

HOLLYWOOB, CALIFORNIA — Alt-right Nazi sympathizer, former human punching bag, and alleged actress Gina Carano has confirmed in several social media posts that she now identifies as “unemployed.”

After months of struggling to avoid controversy in her tweets and Instagram posts, including a time she decided to mock transgender people who put their pronouns in their bios with her own bio, Carano has been cut loose from The Mandalorian, one of the most popular television shows in the streaming era. Up until yesterday, Carano had played the part of Cara Dune, a former Rebel shock trooper who left the New Republic when their policies conflicted with the character’s principles.

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In a statement, LucasFilm denounced Carano’s controversial tweets as “abhorrent.”

“Gina Carano is not currently employed by Lucasfilm and there are no plans for her to be in the future,” a Lucasfilm representative said in a statement to our sister site Deadline. “Nevertheless, her social media posts denigrating people based on their cultural and religious identities are abhorrent and unacceptable.” (TVLine)

Critics hailed Carano’s performance, citing how hard it must have been for her to pretend she actually had any morals. Carano was terminated by LucasFilm after they deemed several of her social media posts “abhorrent.” In recent days and weeks, Carano has questioned the use of face masks to stop the spread of the coronavirus and retweeted people who defended the January 6th assault on the nation’s capital.

“I’d like to thank everyone who has supported me in this very trying time,” Carano tweeted this morning. “It’s not easy to show the entire world exactly who you are, but with the encouragement of some very fine people carrying tiki torches and screaming that Jews will not replace us, I am confident enough to say right here and right now, I identify as unemployed.”

Ms. Carano announced on a podcast produced by evangelical Christofascist satirical outlet The Babylon Bee, that her job prospects don’t look like they’ll take a hit for too long.

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“Scott Baio and Kevin Sorbo have already reached out to me about creating a new show,” Carano told the podcast hosts. “It’d be called Washed-Up Star Wars and I think a lot of boys would be PROUD to watch it. Get it? Just in case: SIEG HEIL! What? Can’t a girl salute Hitler in a country with free speech, cancel mob libtards? BOOM! CARANO OUT…OF A JOB!”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool

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