Thursday, June 24, 2021

Fauci: It’s ‘Entirely Possible’ Ted Cruz Leaked From a Lab or Trump’s Rectum

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Dr. Anthony Fauci finally laid to rest some questions he’s been repeatedly hounded by reporters and Republican members of Congress to answer.

For the past year, many people have postulated about the origins of the American Journals of Medical Stuff call “the most pernicious dangerous infectious diseases of the modern age.” It’s a disease that has wreaked havoc on Americans’ lives, but also on the international community as well. Now, finally Fauci has given an interview in which he agreed to postulate as to the origin of the disease in question.

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“I suppose it’s entirely possible, based on what we now know — and didn’t necessarily know before — that it started in a lab somewhere,” Fauci told WPYT radio host Chad McGee today. “However, it’s also entirely possible that Ted Cruz originated from a different kind of leak altogether. Maybe, for instance, he leaked out of Trump’s rectum.”

Scientists have been trying to ascertain the origin of the Cruz virus for quite some time. Many have put forward their own theories. However, the notion that the Canadian-born Texas Republican started as a lab experiment and leaked out from there. Fauci said that this theory “could hold some water,” and that Cruz “certainly looks like some kind of leak,” but that he might have originated from somewhere other than a lab.

“I understand that, as a scientist, part of our job is to guess, or create a hypothesis, about any number of things,” Fauci told the radio show’s host, “but I’ve never wanted to publicly weigh-in on this particular subject because so little peer-reviewed data is available. What I will say is that given all observable facts we have available so far, and just anecdotally, I can see where it’s entirely possible that Ted Cruz leaked out from either a lab or Donald Trump’s cornhole.”

Sen. Cruz could not be reached for comment on this story. The FDA has not approved any treatments for curing or relieving the symptoms of Ted Cruz.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

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