Saturday, September 18, 2021

Fauci Nominated for Nobel Prize in Dealing With Criticism From Morons Who Couldn’t Do Your Job

The Nobel Prize Committee announced a new round of nominations for their highly sought after award, and a few were in brand new categories, created over the past year. Of particular note, Dr. Anthony Fauci received a nomination for the new “Nobel Prize in Dealing With Criticism from Morons Who Couldn’t Do Your Job.”

“I am extremely humbled and honored by this news,” Dr. Fauci said in a statement this morning. “Every day, I’ve just tried to use the best data available at the time to do the best job I can protecting people from a disease that can kill them. Putting up with criticism from people who could never do what I do is just part of the job description, but it’s always nice to get a thumbs-up in the form of a prestigious award.”

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The committee explained in their press release that the Nobel Prize in Dealing With Criticism from Morons Who Couldn’t Do Your Job has been created to “recognize and congratulate extremely smart people for not losing their shit on the idiots who pretend they could the job better.” The prize will not be awarded every year, but the committee will take nominations for it, all the same. Fauci will be given an honorary seat on the committee in the years he is not nominated, and will help determine who wins the prize that year.

“Over the past several weeks, we’ve watched self-certified ophthalmologists turned insurrectionist senators, moronic right-wing talk show hosts, and garden variety, run of the mill MAGA fried idiots bash Dr. Fauci over some emails of his,” the prize announcement states. “As if any of these people could have done a better or job, much less even interpret the very same data that Fauci had and used to make his recommendations. Besides, why do all these simple-minded uber patriots care so much about the origins of a Democratic Party hoax?”

In a statement, former one-term, twice permanently impeached President Donald J. Trump blasted the award and said he is “entitled to one too.”

“Except that mine will be bigly more better,” Trump insisted. “Because mine will be the Nobel Prize for Doing a Job So Poorly a Literal Sock of Quarters Could Do It Better. I will be expecting my prize to be hand delivered to me by the end of the day, or I will make you all pay when I’m restored to my rightful place on the throne.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

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