DIPSHIT FALLS, IOWA — Chad Palumbo considers himself “extremely pro-MAGA.” He voted for Donald Trump for president twice, and is proud of the fact that he was in the electoral minority both times.
“Any soyboybetacuck can win the popular vote on their way to becoming president,” Chad told us during a Skype interview today, “but it takes a real, strong, fighting and courageous man to go for president twice and not get more votes than his opponent either time. I dare say that makes him the bestest president of all time. But Jefferson Davis was pretty amazing too, in my view.”
Palumbo’s pro-MAGA beliefs also means that he is “extremely turgid for America and America First.” Chad thinks Americans who don’t “show full blown, hardcore respect” for America needs to “go right to hell,” and he believes teaching children a fuller version of U.S. history that includes discussions of racial tensions is a “road to socialism, Cultural Marxism, and communism.”
“Slavery was so long ago! I’m sick and tired of being reminded of things that happened so long ago,” Chad told us. “I don’t care that people born into slavery lived well into the 20th century, and that they were still victims of racial prejudice and official segregation policies! RACISM IS OVER IN AMERICA DO YOU HEAR ME?!”
In school, Palumbo was taught about the Chinese Exclusion Act, and he even learned about the internment camps that the U.S. government put Japanese Americans into during World War II. However, despite his education on those subjects, Chad says he doesn’t see why there is so much focus on the alarming rise in anti-Asian violence, especially after a white man was arrested this week when he killed eight people of Asian descent in a shooting spree.
“I don’t know. I’m doubtful, okay. I’m skeptical,” Chad said. “Just cuz we have a long, long history of treating people from Asia like literal garbage, what would any of that have to do with this guy, know what I mean? Honestly, I question the intentions of people who would even bring up those events, because they were in the past.”
Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.