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Texas GOP Wants to Repeal Voting

"We’re so polarized as a nation, and it only makes matters worse when liberals rub it in conservative faces by, like, getting more votes or whatever."

The President of the United States is No Longer Banned from Twitter

SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- Twitter announced just after 12:00pm Eastern Time that the President of the United States is no longer permabanned from...

Eric Trump: “You Can Tell The Election Was Rigged Because Daddy Didn’t Win!”

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- Eric Trump, the third-most intelligent male crotch fruit of President Donald J. Trump, is convinced that the election was...

Cowboys Change Cheerleader Squad Name to “Super Spreaders”

DALLASS, TEXASS -- This week, Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones -- whose body and face are 77 and 10 years old respectively -- announced...

This Cat ‘Pretty Sure’ He’d Be a Better President Than Donald Trump

NEW CATFORD, NEW YORK -- Mr. Whisker Bottoms is a Feline-American. He is currently residing in the same home with the same family he's been...

A Former President Just Endorsed Donald Trump’s Re-Election Bid

RICHMOND, VIRGINIA -- A former American president has endorsed Donald J. Trump's re-election campaign, sending shock waves through the political commentator class.  Jefferson Davis, the...

Boston Straight Pride Parade Gives Mike Pence Full-On Chubby

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Whether or not the city of Boston permits a "straight pride" parade later this summer, sources close to enough to smell...

Alabama Grants Personhood to Pre-Ejaculate

LAKE DORMIR AVEC LEURS COUSINS, ALABAMA -- Republicans in the State of Alabama have been on a tear lately. They've passed the country's most...

NASA Scientists Still Unable To Locate Edge Of Trump’s Stupidity

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Scientists at NASA have yet to locate the edge of Donald Trump's stupidity, even after studying over two years of campaign...

Joe Biden Offers to Just Push His Old Desk Chair to the White House Next November

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Today, former Vice-President Joe Biden threw his hat into the ring, seeking the Democratic Party's nomination for the upcoming 2020 presidential...

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