Friday, May 7, 2021
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Sports

Colin Kaepernick Would Like a Word With Jim Jordan About “Cancel Culture”

SAN JOSE, CALIFORNIA -- Former NFL quarterback and activist Colin Kaepernick is seeking a face-to-face meeting with Qongressman Gym Jordan. Mr. Kaepernick, who became...

Radical Leftist Nails Kickflip, Supports Medicare for All

LOS AMIGOS ISQUERDOS, CALIFORNIA -- 22-year old Matt Robin is a radical leftist. At least that's what fans of his skateboarding career think. That's...

Brett Favre ‘Thankful’ for Career Full of Head Injuries That Inspired Him to Vote for Trump

Yesterday, former NFL quarterback Brett Favre made national headlines. It's not something that is necessarily new to Favre. Over the course of several years,...

President Declares Tampa Bay Rays Winners of World Series ‘By Electoral College Rules’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Los Angeles Dodgers capped off a season for the ages, one marked by the much shortened schedule, thanks to the...

NASCAR Assures Fans They’ll See Confederate Flag Before Every Final Lap

DAYTONA BEACH, FLORIDA -- Yesterday, NASCAR announced that it was banning the display of the confederate flag at all its events. In a written...

Trump Awards Tiger Woods Presidential Medal of Adultery

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Yesterday, President Donald Trump gave golf champion Tiger Woods a medal that he said is "near and dear" to him, and...

Kraft Apologizes for Paying to Have Balls Deflated

CHOWDER, MASSACHUSETTS -- A spokesperson for Robert Kraft, owner of the New England Patriots football franchise, released the following statement just moments ago. Mr....

Chefs Prepare For Traditional Deep Frying Of Olympic Rings To Close Out 2018 Games

PEYONGCHANG, SOUTH KOREA -- The 2018 Winter Olympics have just about completed. The games have been played, the medals have been handed out, and...

Furious Trump Demands American Curlers Take Their Shots Standing Upright

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Sources within the White House have reported that over the weekend, President Donald Trump caught as much of the 2018 Winter...

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