Thursday, January 21, 2021
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CATEGORY

Science/Tech

Alphabet Announces New Porn-Only Web Browser Called “Google Cream”

SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- For years now, millions of users have surfed websites using Google's Chrome web browser. Today, Alphabet -- Google's parent...

Bill Gates Announces Windows COVID-19 Operating System

SEATTLE, WASHINGTON -- In just a couple of weeks, Microsoft will launch its newest operating system at the specific direction of its founder and...

Oprah Winfrey School of Medicine Revokes Degrees Given to Dr. Phil and Dr. Oz

CHICAGO, ILLINOIS -- One of the nation's leading reality-TV medical schools has decided to revoke the degrees they conferred on two of their most...

Confused Health Guru Contracts COVID-19 Despite Using His Best Turmeric Chakra Cleanse

KARMA VALLEY, OREGON -- 53-year-old self-described "health guru" Pat Kinnerson just got a confirmed, positive result from the COVID-19 test he was given by...

CDC Says to Stop Licking Surfaces Clean Like Cats

ATLANTA, GEORGIA -- Doctors at the Centers for Disease Control are strongly urging everyone to resist the urge to use their own tongues like...

David Avocado Wolfe and Gwyneth Paltrow Appointed to Coronavirus Response Team

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Though his administration is telling Americans that the coronavirus has been "contained" in the United States, President Donald Trump is still...

NRA Backs Trump’s Proposed ‘Second Amendment Cure’ for Coronavirus

FAIRFAX, VIRGINIA -- The National Rifle Association has released a statement supporting an unorthodox idea floated by President Donald J. Trump's. Reportedly, last night,...

CDC Issues Guidelines for Safe Handjobs During Coronavirus Outbreak

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Centers for Disease Control issued a new set of guidelines to Americans today, aiming to teach them the "proper, hygienic...

We Interviewed a 2-Month Old Fetus and Got Its Feelings on Abortion

In 1973, the United States Supreme Court ruled in Roe vs. Wade that the Constitution's right to privacy ensures that women have the right...

Trump Worried Too Many Solar Panels Means Humans Might ‘Suck Up All the Sunlight’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Presdident Donald Trump today told reporters that "one bigly reason" he supports the push for the return to coal as opposed...

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