Wednesday, July 28, 2021
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Science/Tech

CDC Says Fully Vaccinated Politicians Can Safely Rim Wannabe Autocrats Again

ATLANTA, GEORGIA -- Many Americans are wondering when life can return to some version of normal after they're fully vaccinated against COVID-19. Despite what...

Republican Party Developing Its Own App for Sex Payments

The Republican Party has begun work on developing its own proprietary payment app, which it will require politicians in the GOP to use when...

Trump Developing “Qoogle,” His Own Search Engine

Trump isn't just launching his own social media company, he's launching his own search engine for "people looking for feelings over facts."

Fauci Warns Rand Paul With or Without a Mask, People Can Still Tell He’s a ‘Twat-Waffle’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- One thing has become increasingly clear over the last year -- Senator Rand Paul (Q-KY) has some deeply-held animosity toward Dr....

Trump Was Disappointed His Vaccine Didn’t Also Cover Windmill Cancer or Bone Spurs

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- During his long-winded open mic set at the 2021 CPAC convention, former President Donald Trump lambasted President Joe Biden for getting...

Scientist Says Boebert Was Created In a Lab With Sarah Palin’s Brain and Wayne LaPierre’s Dick Sweat

Recent GED recipient, former diarrhea inducing BBQ chef, and newly minted, freshman Congresswoman Lauren Boebert loves guns. She ran her campaign on a big...

Alabama Teenager Rushed to Urgent Care With Uncle’s Baby In Her Eye

COU-ROUGE COUSIN SEXE PARISH, ALABAMA -- Doctors and attending staff in the urgent care facility at First United Baptist Methodist Hospital of Lower South...

Palin Donates Half Her Brain to Boebert and Doubles Her Cognitive Capacity

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In a stunning and unforeseen development, former half-term Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin has donated half her brain to freshman Congresswoman Lauren...

Genealogist Discovers Recessive ‘Beta’ Gene In People Who Violently Protest Accepting Defeat

Last week, America witnessed in horror as thousands of angry, bitter people stormed the capitol, vandalizing the seat of government and attempting a coup...

Trump Has Been Calling Random Supporters to Yell Lies At Them 280 Characters at a Time

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The President of the United States was permanently kicked off all the major social media platforms last week, and according to...

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