Tuesday, April 13, 2021
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CATEGORY

Medicine

Surgeons Asphyxiating From Wearing Masks Up 10,000,000,000,000% Since COVID-19 Outbreak

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- The National Medical Research Institute of America has just published a report on the incidence of surgeons suffocating from...

Oprah Winfrey School of Medicine Revokes Degrees Given to Dr. Phil and Dr. Oz

CHICAGO, ILLINOIS -- One of the nation's leading reality-TV medical schools has decided to revoke the degrees they conferred on two of their most...

Confused Health Guru Contracts COVID-19 Despite Using His Best Turmeric Chakra Cleanse

KARMA VALLEY, OREGON -- 53-year-old self-described "health guru" Pat Kinnerson just got a confirmed, positive result from the COVID-19 test he was given by...

CDC Says to Stop Licking Surfaces Clean Like Cats

ATLANTA, GEORGIA -- Doctors at the Centers for Disease Control are strongly urging everyone to resist the urge to use their own tongues like...

David Avocado Wolfe and Gwyneth Paltrow Appointed to Coronavirus Response Team

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Though his administration is telling Americans that the coronavirus has been "contained" in the United States, President Donald Trump is still...

NRA Backs Trump’s Proposed ‘Second Amendment Cure’ for Coronavirus

FAIRFAX, VIRGINIA -- The National Rifle Association has released a statement supporting an unorthodox idea floated by President Donald J. Trump's. Reportedly, last night,...

CDC Issues Guidelines for Safe Handjobs During Coronavirus Outbreak

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Centers for Disease Control issued a new set of guidelines to Americans today, aiming to teach them the "proper, hygienic...

We Interviewed a 2-Month Old Fetus and Got Its Feelings on Abortion

In 1973, the United States Supreme Court ruled in Roe vs. Wade that the Constitution's right to privacy ensures that women have the right...

Starbucks Asks Customers Not To Open Carry Vape Pens in Stores

SEATTLE, WASHINGSTONED -- Coffee retailer Starbucks is joining a growing list of businesses that is asking customers not to bring personal items into their...

You Won’t Believe The Diseases Essential Oils Have No Chance of Curing!

Essential oils don't just make your room smell less like farts and more like farts and cedar wood. They are highly-potent, toxin killing, super-mega-ultra-tacobella-healthy...

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