Thursday, September 16, 2021
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Medicine

DeSantis: “I’ll Worry About Kids Getting COVID When They’re Old Enough to Vote”

TALLAHASSEE, FLORIDUH -- This morning, Gov. Ron DeSantis (Q-FL) continued his public feud with schools and districts in his state who are resisting his...

CDC Updates Guidance on Covering Your Face With Trump’s Ass to Avoid COVID-19

ATLANTA, GEORGIA -- Last year, at one point the Centers for Disease Control believed that in addition to social distancing, washing your hands, and...

Biden Administration Working With Local Churches and Klan Chapters to Get MAGAs Vaccinated

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Getting more Americans vaccinated against COVID-19 and its rapidly moving delta variant is a key initiative of the Biden administration. Since...

Dr. Tucker Carlson Still Not Ready to Endorse COVID-19 Vaccine

COVID-19 vaccines have been available for more than six months, and while an initial surge of Americans taking one of the three currently approved...

Fauci Says He’s Never Heard of a Virology Lab in Any Crossfit Gym

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Freshman Congresshorse Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) wants Americans to ignore the advice of Dr. Anthony Fauci and instead listen to her....

Doctors Marvel: Lobotomy Somehow Leaves Man Twice as Smart as Marjorie Taylor Greene

PHARDT'S PEAK, GEORGIA -- Every doctor we interviewed was completely unable to explain how it happened. By all accounts, having half of his brain...

Fauci: It’s ‘Entirely Possible’ Ted Cruz Leaked From a Lab or Trump’s Rectum

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Dr. Anthony Fauci finally laid to rest some questions he's been repeatedly hounded by reporters and Republican members of Congress to...

After Fauci Reminds Americans Condoms Prevent STDs, Pro-MAGA Patriot Diagnosed With Syphilis

"I don't trust a damn word that comes out of notorious Anti-Trumper Dr. Tony Fauci's liar mouth," white nationalist and pro-MAGA super patriot Matthew...

CDC Says Fully Vaccinated Politicians Can Safely Rim Wannabe Autocrats Again

ATLANTA, GEORGIA -- Many Americans are wondering when life can return to some version of normal after they're fully vaccinated against COVID-19. Despite what...

Fauci Warns Rand Paul With or Without a Mask, People Can Still Tell He’s a ‘Twat-Waffle’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- One thing has become increasingly clear over the last year -- Senator Rand Paul (Q-KY) has some deeply-held animosity toward Dr....

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