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Science/Tech

Doctors Marvel: Lobotomy Somehow Leaves Man Twice as Smart as Marjorie Taylor Greene

PHARDT'S PEAK, GEORGIA -- Every doctor we interviewed was completely unable to explain how it happened. By all accounts, having half of his brain...

Biden Tells Space Force to Stop Pointing Telescope at Ivanka’s Bedroom

President Joe Biden ordered Space Force to "immediately reposition" a massive telescope  miles away from the Earth's orbit and point it away from the...

Facebook Says Trump Has to Wait Two Years Before Trying to Use It to Subvert Democracy Again

SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- Facebook announced today that former President Donald Trump's suspension will continue for two years, after which he is "free...

Fauci: It’s ‘Entirely Possible’ Ted Cruz Leaked From a Lab or Trump’s Rectum

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Dr. Anthony Fauci finally laid to rest some questions he's been repeatedly hounded by reporters and Republican members of Congress to...

Mexico Offers to Pay Facebook to Keep Trump Off Site

MEXICO CITY, MEXICO -- In an email to Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg, the country of Mexico has offered, officially, to pay "whatever price" the...

Greene: Oversight Board Should Have Forced Facebook to Bake Trump’s ‘Bullshit Cake’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Given that she is one of former President Donald John Toadstool Cock Trump's most ardent supporters on the Hill, there are...

After Fauci Reminds Americans Condoms Prevent STDs, Pro-MAGA Patriot Diagnosed With Syphilis

"I don't trust a damn word that comes out of notorious Anti-Trumper Dr. Tony Fauci's liar mouth," white nationalist and pro-MAGA super patriot Matthew...

CDC Says Fully Vaccinated Politicians Can Safely Rim Wannabe Autocrats Again

ATLANTA, GEORGIA -- Many Americans are wondering when life can return to some version of normal after they're fully vaccinated against COVID-19. Despite what...

Republican Party Developing Its Own App for Sex Payments

The Republican Party has begun work on developing its own proprietary payment app, which it will require politicians in the GOP to use when...

Trump Developing “Qoogle,” His Own Search Engine

Trump isn't just launching his own social media company, he's launching his own search engine for "people looking for feelings over facts."

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