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Saturday, September 18, 2021
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Medicine

Harvard Med School Opens the Nicki Minaj’s Cousin’s Friend’s Balls Virology Research Center

James Schlarmann -
CAMBRIDGE, MASSACHUSETTS -- Harvard Medical School has accepted a large grant from pop star Dr. Nicki Minaj, and will open a brand new virology...
Medicine

DeSantis: “I’ll Worry About Kids Getting COVID When They’re Old Enough to Vote”

James Schlarmann -
TALLAHASSEE, FLORIDUH -- This morning, Gov. Ron DeSantis (Q-FL) continued his public feud with schools and districts in his state who are resisting his...
Medicine

CDC Updates Guidance on Covering Your Face With Trump’s Ass to Avoid COVID-19

James Schlarmann -
ATLANTA, GEORGIA -- Last year, at one point the Centers for Disease Control believed that in addition to social distancing, washing your hands, and...
Medicine

Biden Administration Working With Local Churches and Klan Chapters to Get MAGAs Vaccinated

James Schlarmann -
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Getting more Americans vaccinated against COVID-19 and its rapidly moving delta variant is a key initiative of the Biden administration. Since...
Science/Tech

Poll: 70% Hope Trump Is Next Billionaire in Space As Long As It’s a One-Way Trip

James Schlarmann -
In the span of a week, two of Earth's billionaire's have boarded rocket ships and blasted off, out of the planet's atmosphere, and reached...
Medicine

Dr. Tucker Carlson Still Not Ready to Endorse COVID-19 Vaccine

James Schlarmann -
COVID-19 vaccines have been available for more than six months, and while an initial surge of Americans taking one of the three currently approved...
Medicine

Fauci Says He’s Never Heard of a Virology Lab in Any Crossfit Gym

James Schlarmann -
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Freshman Congresshorse Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) wants Americans to ignore the advice of Dr. Anthony Fauci and instead listen to her....
Medicine

Doctors Marvel: Lobotomy Somehow Leaves Man Twice as Smart as Marjorie Taylor Greene

James Schlarmann -
PHARDT'S PEAK, GEORGIA -- Every doctor we interviewed was completely unable to explain how it happened. By all accounts, having half of his brain...
Science/Tech

Biden Tells Space Force to Stop Pointing Telescope at Ivanka’s Bedroom

James Schlarmann -
President Joe Biden ordered Space Force to "immediately reposition" a massive telescope  miles away from the Earth's orbit and point it away from the...
Science/Tech

Facebook Says Trump Has to Wait Two Years Before Trying to Use It to Subvert Democracy Again

James Schlarmann -
SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- Facebook announced today that former President Donald Trump's suspension will continue for two years, after which he is "free...
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