Saturday, September 18, 2021
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Science/Tech

Harvard Med School Opens the Nicki Minaj’s Cousin’s Friend’s Balls Virology Research Center

CAMBRIDGE, MASSACHUSETTS -- Harvard Medical School has accepted a large grant from pop star Dr. Nicki Minaj, and will open a brand new virology...

DeSantis: “I’ll Worry About Kids Getting COVID When They’re Old Enough to Vote”

TALLAHASSEE, FLORIDUH -- This morning, Gov. Ron DeSantis (Q-FL) continued his public feud with schools and districts in his state who are resisting his...

CDC Updates Guidance on Covering Your Face With Trump’s Ass to Avoid COVID-19

ATLANTA, GEORGIA -- Last year, at one point the Centers for Disease Control believed that in addition to social distancing, washing your hands, and...

Biden Administration Working With Local Churches and Klan Chapters to Get MAGAs Vaccinated

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Getting more Americans vaccinated against COVID-19 and its rapidly moving delta variant is a key initiative of the Biden administration. Since...

Poll: 70% Hope Trump Is Next Billionaire in Space As Long As It’s a One-Way Trip

In the span of a week, two of Earth's billionaire's have boarded rocket ships and blasted off, out of the planet's atmosphere, and reached...

Dr. Tucker Carlson Still Not Ready to Endorse COVID-19 Vaccine

COVID-19 vaccines have been available for more than six months, and while an initial surge of Americans taking one of the three currently approved...

Fauci Says He’s Never Heard of a Virology Lab in Any Crossfit Gym

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Freshman Congresshorse Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) wants Americans to ignore the advice of Dr. Anthony Fauci and instead listen to her....

Doctors Marvel: Lobotomy Somehow Leaves Man Twice as Smart as Marjorie Taylor Greene

PHARDT'S PEAK, GEORGIA -- Every doctor we interviewed was completely unable to explain how it happened. By all accounts, having half of his brain...

Biden Tells Space Force to Stop Pointing Telescope at Ivanka’s Bedroom

President Joe Biden ordered Space Force to "immediately reposition" a massive telescope  miles away from the Earth's orbit and point it away from the...

Facebook Says Trump Has to Wait Two Years Before Trying to Use It to Subvert Democracy Again

SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- Facebook announced today that former President Donald Trump's suspension will continue for two years, after which he is "free...

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