Friday, November 26, 2021
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Politics

Wyoming GOP Boots Liz Cheney for Supporting Their Fiscal Sociopathy, But Not Coup Attempts

JONESTOWN, IOWA -- The Republican Party of Iowa voted by narrow two-vote margin yesterday to officially unrecognize Rep. Liz Cheney as a member of...

Biden Says Treasury Will Add “In Soros We Trust” to All Currency

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Joe Biden has directed the United States Treasury to prepare the necessary paperwork and draw up new plans for adding...

Warden Denies MTG Conjugal Visit With January 6th Attackers, Citing Illegality of Horse Fucking

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Freshman Congressmare Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) is no stranger to being denied access to the people currently being held in federal...

Super Brave, Heavily Armed Patriot Too Cowardly to Shout ‘Fuck Joe Biden!’ at NASCAR Race

BEDFORD FOREST, MICHIGAN -- He estimates that he has roughly six dozen guns, though he brings in new weaponry to his militia's armory so...

Hell Does Not Welcome Colin Powell as a Liberator

HELL -- When recently deceased former Secretary of State and Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Colin Powell's soul made it to its...

Pence Says He’s Forgiven Trump for Jan 6th Because ‘Jesus Said to Spread the Other Cheek’

MOSES HILLS, INDIANA -- Speaking before a packed, maskless congregation at a prayer breakfast hosted by a church in his home state, former Vice...

Rip Van Winkle Worries Chuck Grassley Too Young and Inexperienced for Eighth Term

This morning, the living carbon fossil Chuck Grassley announced that he would be running for his eighth term in the U.S. Senate, representing the...

Trump Demands the Electoral College Declare Larry Elder Governor of California

FART-A LOT-GO, FLORIDUH -- Over the course of four years, Donald Trump got quite used to issuing orders and having them carried out at...

New Policy Lets DeSantis Punch Kids in the Mouth for Wearing a Mask

TALLAHASSEE, FLORIDUH -- A new policy instituted by Gov. Ron DeSantis (Q-FL) allows him to punch "any and all students" he encounters who are...

Abbott Unsure How to Eliminate Rapists from Texas and Still Host Trump Rallies

AUSTIN, TEXGHANISTAN -- Gov. Greg Abbott (Q) promised reporters and Texghanistan natives alike this week that rape victims have nothing to worry about when...

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