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Citing Pending Litigation, the Black Knight Refuses to Concede

THE FORESTS OF ENGLAND -- Despite the fact that he is now without arms and legs, the Black Knight has decided to let his...

Kenosha PD Says They Couldn’t ‘Do Anything’ With Rittenhouse Until He Turned His Back and/or Changed His Skin Tone

KENOSHA, WISCONSIN -- At this time, there are many questions still surrounding the case of Kyle Rittenhouse, the 17-year old white nationalist who killed...

Police Union Suggests Banning Camera Phones Would Eliminate Brutality and Excessive Force

LA VALLE DE PUERCA, CALIFORNIA -- The United National Fraternity of Law Enforcement, one of the country's oldest and largest police unions, recently held...

Protesters Demand Right to Congregate During Zombie Outbreak

ROMERO, MICHIGAN -- A group of about three hundred took to their local city council office in a small Michigan town, demanding that authorities...

Poll Shows Majority of Americans Wouldn’t Mind if Coronavirus Outbreak Contained Only to Oval Office

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A new poll just released shows that a majority of Americans wouldn't mind it in the slightest if a coronavirus outbreak...

Ken Starr Asked Monica Lewinsky For Presidential Blowjob Advice Before His Impeachment Defense of Trump

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Today, during the White House legal counsel's second day of opening arguments in the impeachment trial of President Donald John Trump,...

Bush Offers to Give Trump ‘Counselship and Tacticalistic Advice’ on Conducting Middle East Wars

DUMPHUQ RANCH, TEXAS -- Former President George W. Bush, since he left office after his two terms, has maintained a relatively low profile. Despite...

Eric Trump Pretty Sure He Got a Puppy From Iraq for Christmas From Daddy

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- President Donald Trump's most intelligent son named Eric was spotted at a Manhattan pet store, shopping for a bevy...

McConnell Promises to Hold Impeachment Trial in Moscow

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell said today that "in the interest of fairness and logic" he's going to file a change...

Jordan, Gohmert, Collins Smugly Confident They’ve Convinced America to Impeach Hunter Biden

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- "We did it, guys. We really fuckin' did it," Congressman Matt Gaetz told reporters, turning to give his fellow House Judiciary...

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