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Ted Cruz Will Demand Congress Certify He’s a Ball-less Douche With an Ugly Wife

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Before the 2016 presidential race, Sen. Ted Cruz had a wife named Heidi whose looks had never been the subject of...

Over Christmas, Trump’s Kids Asked Him If They Can Strip the White House of Silverware and Copper Wiring

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Outwardly, the President of the United States of America is doing what he's done his whole life -- projecting a reality...

Biden Posts Eviction Notices on White House Doors

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Last week, it was reported by Satirical Facts that the Biden transition team officially served President Donald J. Trump with eviction...

Pence Told Reporters He’s Been ‘Poked By Enough Guys’ Before Not to Be Nervous About Coronavirus Vaccine

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, wearing a short-sleeved, plaid print button-up shirt, outgoing Vice President Mike Pence received a dose of a coronavirus vaccine. Pence...

106 House Republicans Sign Brief With Supreme Court Declaring Trump’s Genitals ‘Tasty and Habit-Forming’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- As the days in both the Trump administration and the Republican Party's even feigned allegiance to democratic institutions wains, one thing...

Ghosts of Christmases Past, Present, Future Confirm McConnell Has No Soul to Save

"Quite frankly, I'd rather take a shot at saving Satan himself," the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come told us at one point during...

Citing Pending Litigation, the Black Knight Refuses to Concede

THE FORESTS OF ENGLAND -- Despite the fact that he is now without arms and legs, the Black Knight has decided to let his...

Kenosha PD Says They Couldn’t ‘Do Anything’ With Rittenhouse Until He Turned His Back and/or Changed His Skin Tone

KENOSHA, WISCONSIN -- At this time, there are many questions still surrounding the case of Kyle Rittenhouse, the 17-year old white nationalist who killed...

Police Union Suggests Banning Camera Phones Would Eliminate Brutality and Excessive Force

LA VALLE DE PUERCA, CALIFORNIA -- The United National Fraternity of Law Enforcement, one of the country's oldest and largest police unions, recently held...

Protesters Demand Right to Congregate During Zombie Outbreak

ROMERO, MICHIGAN -- A group of about three hundred took to their local city council office in a small Michigan town, demanding that authorities...

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