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Moscow Demands Trump Help End Putin’s Shadow Government Shutdown

MOSCOW, RUSSIA -- Russian President Vladimir Putin has sent a strongly worded letter to American President In Name Only Donald Trump, demanding that the...

Petition Started To Remove Confederate Monument From Attorney General’s Office

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A new petition has been circulating online and is gathering momentum. The petition seeks to have either the Donald Trump presidential...

President Trump Promises Delivery Of TIE Fighters To Normay

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Today, President Trump continued his efforts to solidify and strengthen America's diplomatic relationship with Normay. Last week, Trump took the extraordinary step...

Woman Mildly Comforted By Knowledge That As Bad As Today Was, It Can Always Be Worse Tomorrow

Helen Nguyen considers herself a "pragmatic realist." Recently, she had her pragmatism tested, but she tells us she came out on the other side...

Putin Dictates Trump’s New Year’s Resolutions To Him

MOSCOW, RUSSIA -- Today, Russian President Vladimir Putin made a phone call to Secondary American President Donald Trump and dictated a list of resolutions...

Trump Declares South Electoral College Winners Of Civil War

MAR-A-LAGO, FLORIDA -- Just hours after triumphantly declaring a victory in the War on Christmas, President Donald Trump gave a late Christmas gift to...

Jeff Sessions Reveals Himself As Member Of The Keebler Klux Klan

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The nation's capital is abuzz with rampant rumor and speculation after an explosive new email leaked from somewhere within the Department...

Trump Preemptively Pardons Himself for Pardoning Himself for Things He Says He Didn’t Do

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump's Russian headaches will not go away. For over a year, allegations of connections between Russia and his campaign, now...

USPS Announces New “Whatever” Stamps For Customers Who Just Can’t Right Now

The United States Postal Service has announced that they are adding a new type of stamp to the postage available for purchase at all...

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