Thursday, June 24, 2021
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Lifestyle

Man Dumbfounded That Clothes Left Next to Hamper Are Still Washed and Folded

COLORADO SPRINGS, COLORADO -- A Colorado man has reported miraculous laundry patterns in his home, which until recently remained largely unexplained. Despite the fact...

Local Militia Group Preparing to Liberate Chick-Fil-A Dining Room From Coronavirus Lockdown

SISTER BANGER, KENTUCKY -- They don't know exactly when, but the members of Kentucky's First Regional All-State Liberty Militia does know what they're mission...

Dipshits Flock to Beaches to Help Stop Stopping Spread of Coronavirus

Researchers at the Centers For Uncontrolled Diseases excitedly announced today that, thanks to this past weekend being one of the warmest of late on...

Stupidfuck Training to Become Dumbfuck

MORON VALLEY, MINNESOTA -- Marcus Palumbozo is a stupidfuck. He has all the certifications he needs for the federal government to recognize his stupidfuck...

Man Issues Formal Apology to Every Woman He Couldn’t Make Come

HIDDEN GORGE, CALIFORNIA -- This week, fifteen women throughout the country received the same letter from local resident Jerry Maloenelsexo, apologizing for his "inability"...

Report: They’re Still Fighting Over the Fucking PS4 Controllers

LOS CHICOS LUCHANDO, ARIZONA -- There are more than one PS4 controller in their house, but each of the brothers at the center of...

CDC Reminder: Also Sanitize Your Butt Plugs When There’s No Pandemic

ATLANTA, GEORGIA --Authorities at the Centers for Disease Control have issued a new statement to Americans, urging them to sanitize their butt plugs to...

7 Fun Ways to Avoid Selling Your Kids to the Circus During Their School’s Coronavirus Quarantine

All across the country, schools are closing down in order to slow the rate of infection of the novel coronavirus. For weeks, a global...

CDC Suggests Couples Start Using “Just the Tip”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In order to help minimize the spread of the novel coronavirus, the Centers for Disease Control is "highly recommending" that couples...

Quarantined Cruise Passenger: Ship Talent Show ‘Far Worse’ Than Coronavirus Outbreak

ST. FRANK, CALIFORNIA -- When she boarded the Queen's Line cruise liner in Hawaii, 42 year old Karen Schufflebohrdt says she had no clue...

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