Tuesday, April 13, 2021
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Potato Head Tells Fox News They’ve Always Been Gender Fluid

In an interview on Fox News this morning, Potato Head confirmed for the anchors that they've always been gender fluid. "It was the marketing people...

Man Finds Ted Cruz Drowning and Throws Him a Cement Life Preserver

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- While it's not clear at this time exactly why Senator Ted Cruz went for a swim in the Potomac river last...

Biden Cancels White House Subscription to Ivanka’s OnlyFans

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In about a week, First Lady Ivanka Trump is going to need to find herself a new job, because she won't...

Divorcing Pence and Trump Argue Over Who Gets Custody of Imprisoned Children at Border

America's most bitterly public divorce just got, somehow, even more testy. That's because outgoing lame duck one-term President Donald Trump and his Vice President...

Ben Carson Confident He’s Going to Win Donald Trump’s Chocolate Factory

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- If he hangs on for just another few days, Department of Housing and Urban Development Secretary Ben Carson will win Donald...

Ted Cruz Hands Arsonist Gas and Matches and Tells Him to Stop Setting Fire to Stuff

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- He would later tell reporters he "wasn't quite sure what was thinking," but today Senator Ted Cruz (R-Trump's Taint) found...

Trump Tells His Kids He Expects To Be Called “President Daddy” The Rest of His Life

ALL OR PARTS OF THIS STORY WERE FIRST PUBLISHED BY OUR SISTER SITE, ALTERNATIVE FACTS. IT IS USED WITH FULL PERMISSION BELOW. WASHINGTON, D.C. --...

Convicted Killer Set Free After Showing Up To Sentencing in a Blue Shirt and Badge

FORT ACAB, TENNESSEE -- A man convicted of first degree murder was unexpectedly released from custody today. While this development in and of itself...

Smokey Bear’s New Slogan: “Only YOU Give a Shit About Your Baby’s Gender”

In 1944, the United States Forestry Department unveiled their new mascot -- Smokey The Bear -- and within three years Smokey was seen uttering...

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