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CATEGORY

Biology

6 Scientific Ways To Tell If You’re Sitting Next to an A-Hole

Sciencetistically speaking, we are literally surrounded by a-holes. That's because Newton's Third Law of A-holes states that for every a-hole, there's an equally assholeish...

Researchers Identify New Strain of Aggressive Rectal Cancer and Name It “William Barr”

LAKE CRISE CONSTITUTIONNELLE, MICHIGAN -- A new, fast moving and particularly aggressive form of rectal cancer has been discovered by researchers at Northwest Eastern...

Georgia Newborn Charged With Murder for Absorbing Her Twin Before Birth

RIO CHINGADEROS LOCOS, GEORGIA -- Authorities in a small Georgia town are reporting that they have a single newborn baby in custody, awaiting arraignment...

Tennessee Pro-Life Republicans Want to Outlaw All Sex

THEOCRACY MOUNTAIN, TENNESSEE -- In the state of Tennessee, pro-life forces are growing tired of other red states getting all the press and headlines...

Alabama Attorney General ‘Looking Into’ Prosecuting God for Miscarriages

LAKE SACDEDOUCHE, ALABAMA -- Alabama's governor has reportedly ordered her state's Attorney General to investigate the constitutionality of prosecuting God for any miscarriages that...

Alabama Democrats Propose 72-Hour Waiting Period on Incestuous Sex

FORT COQ DU CHAMPIGNON VÉNÉNEUX, ALABAMA -- In response to Republicans in their state legislature passing one of the most restrictive abortion bans since...

Exclusive: Interview With a 2-Month Old Fetus About Its Feelings on Abortion!

In 1973, the United States Supreme Court ruled in Roe vs. Wade that the Constitution's right to privacy ensures that women have the right...

Expectant Alabama Mother Will Go Back and Finish Middle School Once Her Kids Are Out of the House

NOVIA NIÑA CREEK, ALABAMA -- Life isn't always easy for Crystal Shanahan these days, but then again she knew that things could get harder...

Ohio Sets Up Tampon Cemetery for Grieving Almost Mothers

AHOLE RIVER COUNTY, OHIO -- The State of Ohio has contracted with a city's cemetery to provide burial plots for used tampons. "Here in Ohio...

Alabama Grants Personhood to Precum

LAKE DORMIR AVEC LEURS COUSINS, ALABAMA -- Republicans in the State of Alabama have been on a tear lately. They've passed the country's most...

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