Friday, November 26, 2021

Bleach and Coat Hangers Sold Out in 65% of Texas Counties

In well over half of the counties in Texas, consumers won’t be able to find any household bleach, or buy any new coat hangers for quite some time. That’s because the Lone Star state is currently experiencing what one local economist called the “biggest run on any two products” they’ve seen in their lifetime.

“It’s the law of supply and demand, writ large. When that abortion law went into effect, the demand for coat hangers and bleach skyrocketed in this state,” economist Dean Peenween told us via Skype today. “Interestingly enough, the early data seems to indicate that the bulk of the purchases have been made by elected Republicans, fearful their interns won’t be able to abort their lovechild before their wife finds out they knocked up said intern.”

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According to Peenween, 65% of the counties in Texas report that bleach and coat hangers cannot be found at any retail location. A spokesperson for Amazon told us that they have seen a 3,000,000% spike in Amazon Prime deliveries of the same products to addresses in Texas.

“The same people who know if they ban guns, there will still be guns on the street don’t get how this works.

Peenween indicated that he feels no surprise or shock at this development.

“I’m an economist, but I studied history in college enough to know that women have always, and will always try to end pregnancies they don’t want,” Peenween said. “No matter how much you believe that a woman’s uterus is strictly for the magical, Christ-endorsed gift of baby making, the truth is that women will always try to control when they reproduce, and now we can see the retail ramifications of prohibiting abortions.”

In other Lone Star State economic news, ShopVac has announced that they will be investing hundreds of millions of dollars in a new factory that will be built in the state. Not only will their wet-dry vacuums be built in Texas, 85% of the machines built will stay in Texas. Peenween says that makes sense to him.

“It’s not just Clorox and ACME Hangers that have posted historic profits. ShopVac has as well,” Peenween told us. “I’m hearing that you can’t go into a hardware store in most of the state and buy a ShopVac ever since the abortion law was signed by Abbott. ShopVac probably sees enormous potential for profit deep in the heart of Texas at this point.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

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