If the president wants to take communion, Bishop Richard Tugger suggests that Joe Biden “get more involved” with the archdiocese and help the church cover-up allegations of sexual abuse against members of the clergy. For weeks, a push has been made within conservative Catholic circles to deny Biden, who is a lifelong, devoted, quite public Catholic, because of his support of abortion rights. Despite the Bible never specifically forbidding an abortion, there are few subjects that elicit quite so much emotional outrage from conservative Catholics.
Conspicuously, even Pope Frances — who many consider to be one of the most progressive popes in history — has not taken to Biden’s defense. Whether or not the church decides to bar politicians who are pro-choice from taking communion, Bishop Tugger says that Biden “holds all the cards and Magic Jesus Crackers in his own hand,” and can simply help him and the rest of the Catholic power structure hide accusations of sexual abuse from the public.
“We have very strict morals, and we Catholics are supposed to abide by a very strict set of morals and ethics, you know, in service of God or Jesus or whatever? Anyway,” Tugger told WKKK-AM’s Chip Chatterly this morning, “Joe Biden holds all the cards and Magic Jesus Crackers in his own hand. If he helps us live up to those morals and ethics I was talking about, and helps us hide kiddie rape and stuff, he’ll be considered a good enough Catholic to take communion.”
The White House has given no indication that Biden would be willing to help the church cover-up sexual abuse allegations. However, it didn’t very long for one of Biden’s loudest and most outspoken critics to jump all over the news.
“How can Sleepy Joe claim to love Jesus and his Catholic faith if he won’t even help them cover up sex abuse? Weak,” wrote former President Donald Trump in a statement for the press. “I want to remind all my good MAGA Catholics that I’ve been personally covering up my own sexual abusiveness for decades, and so if they want to get with the program and vote for someone who knows what they want, then they need to vote for me next time!”
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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.