Saturday, September 18, 2021

Biden Administration Working With Local Churches and Klan Chapters to Get MAGAs Vaccinated

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Getting more Americans vaccinated against COVID-19 and its rapidly moving delta variant is a key initiative of the Biden administration. Since the campaign trail, Biden has said that getting the pandemic under control was the only way to truly get America’s economy fully back on track. However, vaccine hesitance among certain key demographics is causing hospitals in the south to fill up again, and health officials are warning that a new surge of COVID could continue to wreak havoc on the country.

Citing his administration’s urgent effort to get vaccines into Americans’ arms, Biden’s administration has begun a new outreach program, working with who they’re calling “local leaders and public figures” in communities across the country that are showing high levels of vaccine hesitance.

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“The president this morning issued a directive to create a task force whose mission will be simple,” Press Secretary Jen Psaki told reporters today, “which is to get as many Americans as possible to embrace vaccination and participate in it.”

Specifically, the Biden administration will be working with churches and chapters of the Ku Klux Klan in areas where vaccine rates are under 40%. Psaki says the president is “laser focused” on getting as many Americans to take the vaccines as they can.

“Even the most racist and stupid among us has a right to a good life, and to a free, life-saving vaccine,” Psaki said, “and this administration will never shy away from what see as our duty to help those idiots, morons, fuckfaces, bigots, and dipshits get vaccinated.”

Freshman Congresshorse Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) admitted to reporters that she’s “quite torn” about the new initiative.

“On the one hand, my bread and butter is a knee-jerk, reflexive contrarian takes to whatever it is that Biden does,” Greene said, “but now that I know they’re gonna work with some of my favorite friends and klansmen? I’m quite torn, fam. Quite torn indeed. Anybody wanna go smoke some crack with me?”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

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