As it turns out, America’s most infamous traitors perhaps might have one rather surprising thing in common — their preferred presentation software.
“Obviously we know that Benedict Arnold was a traitor who sold the country out before it was even a country, technically speaking. What our discovery last night reveals is that Mr. Arnold liked the user-friendly interface of Microsoft PowerPoint, and that’s what he used to communicate his treacherous plans to British forces,” National Historical Research Institute lead scholar Mark McGee told reporters at a press conference this morning.
Mr. McGee informed the press that late last night, as he and his team were finishing up their monthly inventory of pens, pencils, and thumb drives, an intern found a file that heretofore had never been seen before. The file was an old PowerPoint presentation.
“Clearly, we all were quite intrigued and amazed, but we had one problem we needed to solve if we were going to see the contents of the PowerPoint. We needed to find a copy of Office 1776. After we made a few calls, we found a guy on Craig’s List that still had an old Tandy computer with a working copy of Office 76 on it, and one thing lead to another,” McGee said.
McGee announced that the NHRI would now be turning its focus on finding any other PowerPoint presentations Arnold created. Part of McGee’s team will be split off and tasked with another mission, however.
“If we know for a fact now that two American traitors loved PowerPoint for all their treason documenting and planning needs, could there be more? Did Timothy McVeigh do a PowerPoint before bombing the Oklahoma City federal building? Did Nixon make a PowerPoint of the Watergate break-in? Only time, and our research, will tell,” McGee hinted.
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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.